Wow. I didn’t realise it had been so long since I wrote my last musings post. Over one whole year in fact. Truth is, since then, I’ve rarely been in target. I honestly don’t feel like a target member; I haven’t done for a long time. I look at Slimming World diamond members (those who have been at target for a year or more) and I think –

How do you do it?

Because I can’t

Everyone is so proud when they become a target member – and don’t get me wrong, it is something to be proud of when you reach your goal weight, no matter which weight loss plan you are following. The maintaining part though; now, that is hard. And nobody really tells you just how hard.

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Because you’ve learned this new way of life. You know what you need to be doing, because you have done it. For months now, maybe even years. Heck, it took me almost two years to lose four stone and reach my (original) target. I do have PCOS though which can have a negative affect on my progress. Almost two years after reaching that original target, I’ve changed it twice – moving it up, and I still can’t maintain it.

Why?

So now I wonder, a lot – why? Why am I even bothering any more? Perhaps I’m just destined to be “bigger” for the rest of my life? Perhaps I love my food more than I love myself? But that’s what it’s all about really isn’t it? Learning to love yourself; however you look, however you feel.

Saying that, although I have been trying to concentrate less on the number on the scales and more on how my clothes fit, I haven’t felt so comfortable recently. I’ve started to wear baggier clothes again; every time I look in the mirror I’m picking out all of my “fat” bits. I know that I am most comfortable at my most recent target, but I’m struggling to get back there right now.

I feel like a fraud, as I can’t even remember the last day – week, even – that I was fully on plan. Here’s the thing – I just love my treats (cake, biscuits…) too much. Obviously I know that Slimming World allows for these with syns, but they’re just not enough for me! Which is why I’m struggling right now…*

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*Slimming World has recently introduced three new maintenance routes for target members which would help with this, but it’s getting back to that target first!

Read more musings
Target member musings #1
Target member musings #2