It's okay to not feel okay

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I know some people like to keep to themselves, but I’m very open about my mental health issues and it helps me to talk about it sometimes, even though I haven’t blogged about it for a while. I just want people to know, it’s okay to not feel okay.

Recently, I’ve been feeling okay up until the last couple of weeks, when it got to the point that I couldn’t even face going out and I was inside for 3 days straight. I hate feeling like I’m going to burst into tears, or I actually do, all day every single day. Like I feel right now.

The feelings of nothing, emptiness, no worth, just nothing. Feeling like I just want to run away, somewhere I can just sleep the days away until I feel better, where I don’t have to cook, or clean, where I don’t have anyone else to take care of, in general, where I survive by sleeping. As right now I don’t feel like I’m doing a very good job of surviving.

I love my boys with everything I have, and I know siblings fight, and I know children whine, and I know they can’t understand how I feel, but on these days, everything just feels so much worse, and right now I just feeling like running out of that door and running away so I don’t have to listen to them as it makes my head spin and exacerbates all of those feelings inside. But of course I wouldn’t. It is just hard, so so hard.

I just like to know I am not alone, and I like you to know that you are not alone, and though it doesn’t feel like it to you, it is okay to feel like this. It’s not you, it’s purely a chemical imbalance.

We can fight it, day after day, after day. One day, something might click, and we might not feel like this ever again. Or, we might fight this until the day we die.

But…

It’s okay.

I will be okay.

You will be okay.

We have to be okay.

We are survivors.

Right until the end.

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Stacey

I’m Stacey, in my mid-late 30’s, from a tiny village (officially a hamlet) in Lincolnshire.

I’m a mum to two handsome boys. They’re both diagnosed autistic but that only makes them different, not less. Barney, a Frenchie x Beagle, is my furbaby. Owner of a husband too!

Blogging about lifestyle and books with a bit of everything else thrown in!

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3 Comments

  1. Completely understand how you feel my lovely. Those days where you just feel like you need to cry constantly, and you are just waiting for the day you feel a bit better again are just awful. The waiting to feel better just kills me. I love that you are honest about it, and you definitely help others by sharing. Great post xxx

    1. Thank you lovely. It felt kind of cathartic to get it down on paper, so to speak x

  2. Hi Stacey!!
    what a nice post you have shared with us. I am glad that you share your story with us. Depression is one of the worst thing that can happen to a person. Depression could be happen for any reason. I think this can be cure by only two things love and care. We should try to handle the depressed person with love and also take them for counselling when they need it. Thanks and keep sharing more posts with us..
    Regards:
    Alice Gaunt

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