The ‘Berry’ Pregnancy Diaries – week 10

Okay, so this diary will look a little odd as at my scan I was put back by 3 days, meaning some of this diary is actually during 9 weeks, so it looks like it’s repeated from the last one! Also, I haven’t written an awful lot this week as my mother-in-law passed away so have had a lot on my mind other than recording my diary. 

Sunday 28th July – 9w 4d
It’s scan day tomorrow! I’m feeling excited but nervous at the same time.

I’ve also got a teeny tiny bump forming. Well, I have a lot of chub too, but you can see the bump above my belly button, at least! 

Monday 29th July – 9w 5d
It was scan day! So glad it was in the morning so we didn’t have any waiting around all day. I’m not going to repeat it all again, so you can find the full story here. As usual, it was such an amazing experience. And as I am not as far on as the midwife said (which I knew I wouldn’t be), we get another scan at the end of the month. We told MIL (who is currently very ill in a hospice) our new due date, and she was over the moon as it is her birthday. She simply said “That’s what I wanted”, which made me rather emotional.

Scan photo of our 'berry'
Berry at 9w 5d

Tuesday 30th July – 9w 6d
MIL is really ill today and we were told she has hours rather than days left now. I just know she was waiting for the news we told her yesterday, so she could go in peace. 

Wednesday 1st August -10 w
MIL passed away today. R.I.P to an amazing woman. I told her that we would never let little man forget her, the same going for berry. We will show photos so they always remember. 

Thursday 2nd August -10w 1d
I had a phone call from the midwives today about my booking bloods. I have to go back for another blood test as the results showed that although my iron levels were okay, my iron stores were looking low, so they need to pinpoint where so we can rectify it. It makes sense as I was very anemic after little man so maybe they didn’t build right back up again. 

Saturday 4th August – 10w 3d
Had such an emotional day today. It’s been exactly 8 months since we lost bean, and coincidentally I am 10+3 today, which was the point at which bean went to heaven. So it has really affected me today. 

Also been thinking about MIL a lot, and I think the enormity of it all has suddenly hit me as I have been in tears all night. 

Sunday 5th August – 10w 4d
I am SO tired today, I feel like I could fall asleep at any time, anywhere! To be honest it’s probably all my emotions building up. Little man has had a very early night though so at least I’ve had a chance to sit down for more than 5 minutes for once! 

Tuesday 6th August- 10w 6d
I’ve had a bit of peace & quiet and relaxation today as little man went out with Daddy to see Grandad. I needed it as like I said on Sunday, I’m so tired lately and starting to feel dizzy again, a lot. My appetite is definitely coming back though! 

At week 10, berry is the size of a prune.
Ears are starting to develop and their ear canals are forming.
The jawbones are developing, already containing milk teeth.
Tiny nails are starting to grow on fingers and toes.
The heart is now fully formed, beating 180 times a minute.
Berry is moving already, which can be seen on an ultrasound scan!

Introducing ‘Berry’…

As I told you in last weeks diary, our dating scan was yesterday. I was feeling nervous all morning as I was worried that there was going to be something terrible, like no heartbeat. I knew deep down everything would be okay though, I’m just a natural worrier! 

Little man couldn’t come with us as small children aren’t allowed in the scan room just in case of you know what, so brother in law took him to the inlaws for us where we were going afterwards anyway. Once he had gone I filled up on water – I dread this bit as I have the weakest bladder at the best of times! Luckily when we we arrived they were only running around 10 minutes late so I sat on the edge of my seat until we were called through. When the sonographer took us to the ultrasound room, we turned a particular corner and I just knew where we going – the same room we went in to discover we had lost bean. I got very emotional at that point. 

I jumped up on the bed – well, not literally – very carefully making sure my bladder didn’t burst! I told her I was quite nervous as I’d had a miscarriage last year, and she was sympathetic. She asked if we had any more children, I told her we had a little boy of 16 months. I then had the gel put on and she got going – I couldn’t look at the screen just yet, not until she had told me the heartbeat was there. She said the words, and I was so relieved I shed a tear. I was so happy then and had a look. I saw what looked like a kidney bean! She measured me at around 9 weeks 5 days, so 3 days out from what I worked out – with little man I was only 2 days out so I’m not too bad at this! 

We have opted for the NT scan, but as I was only 9+5, berry was slightly too small to get the measurements so we have to go back at the end of next month. Of course I don’t mind though, it means we get an extra scan. 

So, say hello to berry! 

Everywhere you go

So it seems, as soon as you start ttc, there seems to be pregnant women EVERYWHERE. Of course, they have always been there, it’s just that you want to be one of them, so you start noticing them more. And soon enough, it takes over your life.

Social networking sites. Yep, they are all over there too. There seems to be something in the water at the minute. It seems like every other day someone is announcing they are pregnant. I don’t mind (well, if I’m honest, which is what this blog is for, it kind of destroys me a little more inside every time I hear it, and a wave of jealousy explodes inside of me), it’s just when their scan photos are ‘flaunted’ all over. Well, again, I don’t mind people adding their photos, as they want to show off their baby, and everyone else wants to see. I can avoid that by just not looking at the photos, which I do (apart from when they appear on my top news feed, at which point I quickly move page).

It’s when they then have them as their profile photo too. I then see them all the time, and every time it hurts just that little bit more. I can’t avoid this, unless I stop using the site altogether, or remove them from my friends, or hide them from my feed. Which I don’t want to do any of, as they are my friends, and I like to keep up with them. (OK, so in truth, I’m just too nosy). It just feels like it’s being rubbed in, that they’re pregnant and happy, and I’m not. I know that’s not true, but infertility drives you to these types of thoughts.

From this experience, when (trying to think positive here, not working) we are in the situation we so want to be in, I am not going to be doing the profile pic thing, as I know all too much just how soul destroying it is every single time it flashes in your face.