It’s been a few months now since I reached target; just over three of them, in fact. It does actually feel like it’s been longer to be honest. I haven’t shared an update since becoming a target member so I thought it was about time I got my thoughts down on paper; well, virtual paper! I was going to say, I can’t remember the last time I went to weigh in dreading getting on the scales, but that wouldn’t be entirely true. The truth is, I’ve been really struggling for most of the year already, and it’s almost March!

When I first reached target, I found it quite easy to stay on track. It was great being allowed to have extra healthy extras, so I didn’t even feel the urge to eat things I shouldn’t really have been eating. Though, Slimming World’ers know we can eat almost anything, so I guess I mean things that would have taken me right out of my syn allowance. I could have my regular porridge for my breakfast, and I could also have bread products or Hi fi bars without feeling “guilty” and having to syn them, so I still had room for that bar of chocolate or bag of crisps if I wanted.

I was managing well being a target member and I adjusted quite easily to managing to maintain my weight. In fact, for the first couple of weeks I was still losing weight, even though I was eating (what I thought was) more! At one point I even managed to get down to half a pound from the bottom range of target, and received my 4 stone award which I was ecstatic about.

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Being a target member over the festive season

And then, Christmas. That hit me right in the face. I had vowed to myself that after gaining almost half a stone over the previous festive season, I wouldn’t let it happen again. Even though, I did reach the bottom end of target right before Christmas so I did have that extra room. But, I also knew how long it took me to lose that extra weight the previous year as it was hard to get back into the swing of things. And this time around, there would have been that extra shame put upon on myself if I had continued to gain and gone out of target, so soon after reaching it.

But; I managed to repeat my syns (excuse the pun) of the previous year. I gained 6lb again over the Christmas and New Year period and ended up being half a pound over target. Pretty much the only time I was on plan over the festive period, was my Christmas dinner!

I kind of did that a bit backwards, didn’t I? I just have no idea why I couldn’t manage it for the rest of the time; the temptation of sumptuous food was obviously too much! But I have nobody else but myself to blame, as it was me who bought it.

I think that’s one of the most important things of this journey; taking responsibility for my own actions.

Getting back on plan

This time around though I found it easier to get back into the swing of things. It did take a couple of weeks, but I was back into target quite quickly. Since then my weight hasn’t been a constant; I haven’t quite been managing to maintain my weight, but I have been managing to stay in target range. Until the last couple of weeks, that is. My head just hasn’t been in the right place and I’ve been eating more synful things than I should be, and have yet again gone out of target.

I know I shouldn’t, and nobody else has made me feel it; but I felt so ashamed and had to hold back tears at group when my consultant came to me during IMAGE Therapy. I mean, I was voted Woman of the Year and Miss Slinky last year; what kind of example am I setting, that I can’t even manage to stay in target? We all know life gets in the way sometimes and we have lives to live as well, but that’s what the 3lb either side of target is for; and I can’t even manage to stay in that.

Being a target member is so much harder than I imagined it to be; I’m not going to lie!