I see you, the parent of a child with special needs

To the parent of a child with special needs

I see you

The parent who wishes they could change the world’s view of their child’s normal, which is not like every other child’s normal.

The parent who dreads every single school run. The school run that ends in the walk of shame. Because your special child, is just being normal.

I see you.

The parent who lives in a shell with their special child because you dread every single outing.

Jacob playing with water

The parent trying to hold it together whilst your special child is having a meltdown; because that’s their normal.

I see you.

The parent who is begging for help. Because you know your child isn’t every other child’s normal, but their special kind of normal.

The parent who is crumbling under the pressure of living with the difficulties your special normal child faces every. single. day.

I see you.

The parent who is sad that their special child is forever excluded from peer events, like birthday parties.

The parent who is sad that this even extends to their siblings.

I see you.

The parent who is reading this.

The parent who feels isolated.

I see you.

I see me.

I see me

I’m the one walking there, standing there, holding back the tears, head held in shame. But why should I be ashamed?

This is my special child. This is his normal.

My child can’t help the way he is. He just needs understanding. He needs me.

I need to be strong. Even if I don’t feel it, I need to show it. I need to fight for him.

He is my strength. He’s made me the mother I am today.

I see you – reading this. You are not alone. I stand with you. We have the fight, the strength, the courage. 

We have the special kind of normal.

Mummy and Jacob with Harry Potter

Coming from a three year old

A while ago there was a ‘thing’ going around on social media with questions to ask your children; Vicky from Being Tilly’s Mummy guest posted hers whilst I was away on holiday, you might have read it!

I thought it would be fun to ask J (for both Mummy & Daddy), though he did seem to have a reoccurring theme – the boy is obsessed with that word! I think he was just being a bit silly really…but it still makes me chuckle!

Questions about Mummy

1. What is something mum always says to you? – Poo
2. What makes you happy? – Poo make me happy

3. How does mum make you laugh? – Haha like that
4. What makes mum sad? – Waaaaaaaaah
5. What was mum like as a child? – I can’t talk with my mouth full
6. How old is mum ? – 4
7. How tall is mum? – Bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger
8. What is mums favourite thing to do? – Poo
9. What does mum do when you’re not around? – Poo
10. What is your mum really good at? – Poo
11. What is mum not really good at? – Poo
12. What does your mum do for a job? – Poo
13. What is your mums favourite food? – Poo
14. What makes you proud of your mum? – Poo
15. What do you and your mum do together? – Poo
16. How are you and your mum.the same? – Poo
17. How are you and your mum different? – Poo
18. How do you know mum loves you? – Poo
19. What does mum like most about dad? – Poo
20. Where’s mum favourite place to go? – Poo
21. How old was mum when you were born? – 5

Questions about Daddy
1. What is something dad always says to you? – Four five
2. What makes you happy? – The hole
3. How does dad make you laugh? – Don’t fall down there
4. What makes dad sad? – Waaaaaaaaah
5. What was dad like as a child? – Waaaaaaaaaah
6. How old is dad? – 9
7. How tall is dad? – Big and small
8. What is dads favourite thing to do? – Doing something at work
9. What does dad do when you’re not around? – Go shopping
10. What is your dad really good at? – Grandad
11. What is dad not really good at? – Grandad
12. What does your dad do for a job? – He’s off Grandad poo
13. What is your dads favourite food? – Poo
14. What makes you proud of your dad? – Wobble wobble wobble wobble
15. What do you and your dad do together? – Poo wobble
16. How are you and your dad the same? – You two are swimming
17. How are you and your dad different? – Because we can’t not the same
18. How do you know dad loves you? – Because he want to
19. What does dad like most about mum? – Happy
20. Where’s dad favourite place to go? – Important
21. How old was dad when you were born? – 3

So yes, some rather random answers there! Maybe we will try again next year?

Did you do this with your children?

Parenting Pitstop – trying to deal with J’s challenging behaviour

You may have read my previous posts about J’s challenging behaviour and I have been at my wits end for months, fast running out of ideas on how to deal with it. I’ve spoken with nursery, I’ve spoken with the health visitor, I’ve spoken with one of my friends who worked in a nursery for a long time; I’ve consulted the internet, blogs, my peers, but nothing seems to change. So either this is just instilled into him or I am just a rubbish mother!

Anyway, a few weeks ago I had quite a breakdown with his behaviour. I was already feeling pretty rubbish in general and he just pushed me over the edge. We had been at our usual Tuesday play group (run by the friend mentioned above) and he had been defiant all morning, then he pushed another child who was just minding his own. I just completely lost myself then and we left with me in tears and having to call my brother-in-law for help with the boys as I was breaking down. My friend came round later that afternoon and mentioned a ‘Parenting Pistop’ run by the local Education Preparation Unit. I thought it sounded worth a try so she made a referral for us.

Last week we went to see the ladies who run it and to sign up for it if we were interested. We were told that it will only be a small group – six parents and children – so we can get the most out of it. The way it works is that the session is an hour and half long and us parents spend 20 minutes playing with our children and getting them settled in, in the play room – it’s a Sure Start centre so lots of activities – then we go off (while the children are supervised by one of the ladies) and have a discussion about our difficulties and methods of dealing with behaviour and the such. Both hubby & I can attend but it really depends on whether he can get the time off work, but we signed up anyway as I can make the sessions.

Mine & J’s first session is this afternoon, for a taster session. It will be good to have some time just the two of us too, as I know he needs more of it but it’s difficult when hubby works long hours and I’m home with both of them every day and N rarely naps. I will update you on how we get on – hopefully we will get somewhere this time.