Clomid cycle 2 update, and other stuff (small TMI alert)

Realised I haven’t updated for a while, well since before I started clomid round 2, so here goes…


Well AF actually appeared ‘properly’ the day after my last blog post, so that helped! Roll on CD2 and I started on my 100mg, well I was pretty normal (well as normal as my periods can be) for that day, but the next two days were absolutely horrendous. AF was so heavy and I had stomach ache throughout, it was that bad I had to go and ‘change’ every couple of hours, just yuck. I haven’t had a period like that for years, forgot how bad my bad periods actually were. But, I suppose that means the higher dose was actually doing something as I never had it that bad last round, in fact it was much lighter than normal. Didn’t really have many other side effects, mainly constant headaches like last time around, and mood swings and a little emotional. 


Today is CD15, so I guess am on the TWW, although if it’s anything to go by my last cycle of 54 days, I don’t know… 


Anyway, that’s that, now for other stuff. Been finding the whole thing a bit difficult lately. Everyone either seems to be having babies or announcing pregnancies again, it’s just like they all come at once. The thing that really pushed me over the edge was yesterday. One of my close friends posted a status on Facebook referring to the whole TTC thing, and anyway we got to the point where I said seeing pics of scans and bumps etc. really upset me, and a mutual friend (who just happens to be pregnant) said along the lines of ‘well delete everyone who does that, it would be the easiest thing’. I said if I did that half my friends would be gone! So bearing in mind she knew how I felt right then, an hour later she had posted a pic of her expanding bump! That just really got to me, like she was rubbing it in. She probably wasn’t, but anyone who suffers IF will know that we can be incredibly sensitive and just wish people would think sometimes. 


Well right before that, another friend posted a photo of her newborn girl who is incredibly gorgeous. Surprisingly though this didn’t upset me too much as she is one of the nicest people I know and I couldn’t think of a better person for it to happen to, she has always been sensitive towards me and there when I needed a chat. I posted a status not long after these two events simply saying *sigh*, and unfortunately this friend thought it was about her when it really wasn’t, so if you are reading this then I hope you understand. 


Also something that one of my best friends said to me not long ago has been playing on my mind. We were discussing about people posting the pics and she said she doesn’t mind the scan pics but when I do get pregnant (I’m more thinking ‘if’) that I am not to post bump pics (which I am not going to do anyway, as I know just how heartbreaking it is. I will be posting on here for anyone that wants to see, then those who don’t, don’t have to look) because it is like the person saying ‘Look what I can do and you can’t’ – and in a way, playing over and over in my head, I suppose it is. And then another friend posted a photo of her expanding bump tonight. I usually ‘like’ these from this friend but I just had to navigate away from the page, I was immediately in tears. I just want it to be me.


I just think I need a break from the whole Facebook thing. It’s just all getting too much for me again and I’m in tears every day, and I just don’t want to be. 

A message to my friends

This is a message to my friends. To the ones that have been there for me since the beginning of this long, long journey. Those who I have met along the way.


Thank you for being there for me. Through the ups & the downs, listening to my moaning, my feeling sorry for myself, everything. And understanding.


To those struggling, it’s been good to know I’m not alone, and although it’s horrible what we are going through, I’m glad I have people who understand and can empathise. Like BT says, it’s good to talk. To someone who knows exactly how I am feeling, and doesn’t think I am horrible or strange when I come out with things that anyone else would think was irrational! Infertility does strange things to your mind and thought processes, hey?! To you all, I just know we will get there eventually, however long the road, we have to, for each other. Keep pushing. Keep strong. It’s all we can do.


To those who have gotten their BFP’s, and had babies, along the way. I hope you know that I am truly happy for you, it’s just hard sometimes. Thanks to those who have understood when I haven’t spoken to you much about your pregnancies, your babies, or looked at your pictures. It’s been incredibly hard for me, but I’m getting there, I’m managing to push my sadness aside and be happy for you, have started talking about these things and looking. And to those (very, very few, I can probably only think of one, that’s that I know of anyway) who haven’t always been so understanding, well, it’s a shame, that’s all I can say. 


To those who have finished having children, or have no interest in having children, thanks for taking the time out to talk to me about it, even though you probably think I am silly and self absorbed about it at times! 


It’s lovely to know that so many people care about me.


Here a couple of pics to show the support I have had lately when I was feeling the lowest of the low:


My lovely message from Rebekah and others who agreed, which had me in tears (happy ones).

My gorgeous flowers from Bekah, which also had me in tears! (Also happy ones).
  Thank you