Successful FC update

It was another long wait… 1.5 hours… but it was actually worth it this time! 

We actually saw the consultant this time! As soon as I walked in the room and saw him I was nervous! He’s scary… He asked what we’d been told about our tests (ultrasound, HSG, bloods, SA’s), and asked about my cycles, symptoms etc. So I told him, and then he basically relayed it back to us and told me I don’t OV, which I know already… And then he said he would like to put me on medication (clomid) but I need to lose weight first… Argh, I nearly burst out crying cos I thought he wasn’t going to give us any! I told him I’ve already lost 45 lbs, and he kept saying I need to lose weight, I said ‘Yes’, he said ‘Yes isn’t good enough’ – my GP and my friend were right, he is scary (and strict)! Even hubby was intimidated! Although he said he is strict but he gets results! So I’ll just put up with it!

Anyway, he said he will put his trust in me and give me clomid and we have to go back in two months (if it hasn’t worked by then), but if I haven’t lost any… Well, then I’m sure he’ll shout at me!

So I have two rounds of 50mg (he will give us up to 9 months worth). I have to wait until AF arrives and then take it on days 2-6, BD from day 10 onwards, but tbh I think we’ll be at it like rabbits, have waited long enough already!… He said if AF doesn’t arrive around/after CD28 then to take a test…

So now I’m nervous, but excited at the same time as we are actually getting somewhere after 2 and a bit years!

I’m overweight!!

I know, not the usual thing that is good to hear, but after being obese for a few years it IS a good thing!

Today I finally hit the overweight BMI category! Right on the line! Just where I need to be for treatment with the FC, right before our appointment on Tuesday! Now just need to keep it there! Well, preferably get further below, and not go above again!

I am SO SO happy, it’s took a while to get here! Especially since my plateau started back in January, when I was so close to being here already (0.2 lbs off), I’ve been stuck between here and the 4/5 lbs I gained after starting up my exercise again. But now I’ve started running training it’s dropping off!

Short but sweet today but just had to share! And is this my first ever happy post?! It’s just such a big deal for me! 

P.S. Here are my new legs! 

The (not so) amazing shrinking Stacey

I have been on my weight loss journey for just over a year now. TTC was the reason why I decided I needed to lose weight. The other reason was because I wanted to. I needed to lose it because I knew if we ended up needing fertility treatment at any point in the future, I would need to be in a healthy BMI, or overweight at the very most. A BMI of 30. Well, I am nearly there. 

I’ve lost around 42 lbs so far, since I started my  journey at the end of January last year. I’ve had my ups & downs, sometimes I’ve felt like throwing the towel in, but then I think how much fitter I am now, and how much better I feel about myself, and not having to bury my figure under baggy clothes – I do not want to be back there again. Anyway, I’ve got rid of most of my fat clothes now, so can’t go back! (Bar my one pair of ‘fat’ jeans, which I’m using as an indicator to how much I have lost.) I can wear dresses, I have a waist. I haven’t been like that for years. Even in my wedding photos I look horrible, I look pregnant! If only! I tried to lose weight before then but obviously I wasn’t set on it enough. If I had known what I would have looked like though, I’m sure I would have kept at it!

There is one thing that really annoys me though. When people tend to moan because they have only lost 1lb! For goodness sake, this is what 1lb looks like:

Gross, I know! But look how much it is! Shocking at how many extra of these I’ve been carrying around!

I’ve discovered my inner green eyed monster during this journey too. Sometimes I’ve found it so, so difficult to drop the weight, and it’s really frustrating when I have been working my butt off (literally!), eating right, and I see nothing, yet there are people who eat like crap, lack on the exercise, and drop the lbs like nobody’s business! Well, since I’ve discovered I (most likely) have PCOS, it throws some explanation as to why I haven’t managed as easily as some others. As I have friends with the same who struggle too, and it really is frustrating when it feels like everyone around you is doing so much better, so much easier. If it turns out I actually don’t, well, then, I’ve obviously not been working as hard at it as I think I have, I guess.

I am pleased for all of my friends who have lost a huge amount of weight, but to think I’ve done this all on my own, no slimming clubs or particular food plan, those are the friends who are bringing out my green eyed monster lately! I try to hold it back, but I just can’t! Mainly because they have lost just about the same amount of weight as me, in half the amount of time I have been doing it, I think maybe I would be better off with one of those?! But then it’s not something I (personally) would be able to stick out for the rest of my life. The ‘Stacey’ plan is something I can stick with, and have managed pretty well (I think) over the last year.

(To all of you who fit into the above criteria, seriously well done! I know you’ve worked hard too. Please don’t take it personally – just releasing my frustration with myself)

I hope to reach my goal this year, I am just over half way there now (see my ticker at the bottom). I’m sure there may be a few more weight loss frustration posts from me over the next few months! Watch this space!

Let’s start at the beginning

OK, so this is a bit backwards, this should have really been the first ever post, but needed to get that last one out.

You’ll maybe want to grab a cuppa (or two) before reading this post, could be a long one. Just a history of us since we started ttc, to help you understand my future posts and where I am coming from. (May be some TMI too, don’t read on if you are easily ‘bleugh’-ed out! I’m a straight talker, me!)

So we decided to start ttc in January 2009 (2 years ago now, that is a loooooong time in this little ‘world’ of stress and upset). If I’m honest, deep down I probably knew we were going to have problems, due to the fact I have always had problems with my menstrual cycle. I had been having the worst problems most recently – i.e. cycles lasting 4+ months at a time (with the actual ‘period’ lasting anything up to 8 weeks before taking medication)! I’m sure it would have been much longer if I hadn’t been to the GP for medication to stop it. These problems started in 2008, actually quite a few months after I stopped the pill, probably even a couple of years.

Anyway, we gave it a couple of months to see if my cycles would miraculously sort themselves out – no suck luck – so went back to the GP for more medication (norithisterone, to be exact). They couldn’t actually help us regarding ttc at that moment in time, as around here you have to have been ttc for 2 years before they will help (well not in our case, will come to that later). Basically, go away and keep trying. They never even had any idea what WAS wrong with me (I saw 3 different GP’s before the one that actually helped me)

Waited another few months, by this time it was probably about the end of June and I was still having the same problems,  it was driving me absolutely crazy, causing problems between me & hubby, arguing all the time and I just felt really down in the depths of despair. So back to the GP I went; this time we had a discussion of what we could possibly do to sort my problem out. The contraceptive pill. Well, not really what you want to do when ttc, is it? But, if it helped to sort my cycles out and then we would possibly conceive quicker afterwards, I was prepared to do it. Heck, even 15 year olds on the pill still manage to pregnant sometimes don’t they?! Probably by skipping a couple, so maybe that’s what I would do…

So, off I go with my prescription, hoping that this would sort my cycles out and that the next time I went to the GP, it would be with good news… So I started the pill in July ’09, even on the pill I still wasn’t having ‘proper’ periods! Just had to face it, I’m a freak and no-one will ever know what’s wrong with me! So we thought, well this isn’t really helping, but if I stop it maybe my periods will have some sort of consistency? So I stopped taking it in November ’09. Carried on with the routine of ttc.

My periods eventually returned in February ’10. We were hoping that maybe we’d had some kind of miracle, and I was actually pregnant! No such luck, again 🙁 So that was a year now, ttc. A lot of people who had started ttc around the same time as us, were now expecting, or even had their baby! Depressing 🙁

So, we carried on as we had been, knowing we weren’t going to get anywhere and desperately wanting help. By this time I was on the verge of a breakdown. So, off to the GP I went again, this time in floods of tears! I thought, she must help us now, surely?! Well, we had a long discussion, and decided that I really wasn’t ‘normal’ and it just wasn’t going to happen for us like this. She still couldn’t actually give us a referral to the fertility clinic (FC) at this point though, as it hadn’t been 2 years. But, as she had decided that I wasn’t normal and I really was a freak (my words, not hers) she said she would discuss my situation in the weekly meeting the following week! How special did I feel?! All to see if I was a special enough case to be referred. Well, skip to the next week, and I was special enough! (I always knew that) And so followed the endless tests…

First, we needed some CD (cycle day) 21 bloods for me (these were actually day 36 for me, as I have irregular cycles), to see if I was ovulating. I knew I wasn’t, after all the temp tracking and ovulation prediction kits (OPK’s) I had done, but it’s part of the procedure. Anyway, my period came early that month, so I had to wait until the next month! All this waiting already, and then this! I think my body is just totally against me. Anyway, I had it done eventually the next month. The husband also needed to have a semen analysis (SA) before we could be referred, so that was booked in too. And done. Now, we could be referred. Or maybe not. We were waiting, and waiting, and waiting for the referral appointment letter, and then eventually the surgery rang me and told me that our referral had been sent back as husband needed another one before they could refer us and it would be accepted! For goodness sake, why didn’t she tell us this before, instead of keeping us hanging on! (But I let her off, as she had gone out of her way for us, and she is lovely) So, that one was booked in too, and done. FINALLY, we could be referred. Hubby needed to stop smoking too, which he did, and has been stopped since June last year now (with the exception of a couple of occasions where he has been in drunken company). We have both lost a lot of weight too, as we knew this could be effecting us having problems – me, over 3 stone, and hubby, well, 2 stone last time he got weighed. At this point the GP told us that it would probably just be a case of me having to take clomid, to make me ovulate…

Skip a couple of months to September, and we get the best letter ever – one with our first fertility clinic appointment printed on it (which was in October)! So we got prepared for that, questions, answers etc. The appointment itself was really just a BMI check, medical history etc. We also received hubby’s SA results back. Not good. The motility (the movement of the little guys) was quite good, 70(ish)%. It was the morphology (the shape of them), that was the problem. His first one was 3% morphology, although his 2nd one had improved, to 6%. But still, a ‘normal’ morphology percentage is 10%. The improvement was after he had stopped smoking though, so we’re hoping it has improved some more. And then we were told of more tests I needed to have before our next appointment (which should have been in December – they only have the FC once a month, which is a bit annoying, but we can’t really do anything about that) I needed 4 more blood tests to check for ovulation – day 21, 28, 35 and 42 – done. Also, a pelvic scan – basically an ultrasound (I hate these, I have a weak bladder at the best of times!) – done. And then a HSG (hysterosalpingogram – wow, I remembered that without googling it! – this is to check your tubes for blockages etc.)

Yes, the bloody HSG, which I am STILL waiting for. I first went to book it straight after our first appointment. (It has to be done on/around cycle day 10, and you have to ring on the first day of your cycle to book it – very strict they are) I was already on day 4 of my current cycle, typical. They were fully booked. So I had to wait until the first day of my next cycle. Again, just typical for me. At this rate I wasn’t going to have it done before our next appointment. (Oh how right I was). This was turning out to be an extra long cycle, and it still hadn’t arrived a few days before our appointment. So, begrudgingly, I rang up to push our appointment back a month. (It should be next Monday, now) Lo and behold, a few days after, the witch (another name for your period) turned up! Hopefully I was going to get my HSG in before our next appointment! Wrong, again! Right before Xmas, and they were fully booked for the next couple of weeks, and now I have to wait until the first day of my NEXT cycle! Whenever that may be! Bloody damn typical! At this point I was so angry. So now, I’m having to push our appointment back for yet another month. Next time I ring to book my HSG, I don’t care if they are fully booked, I am NOT waiting yet another goodness knows how long, I will not hang up the ‘phone until they fit me in! I have very irregular cycles so I can’t tell when the next one will start, and I’ve waited long enough already!

So now, you may finally understand why I get upset and angry and stressed like I do. I hope it has given you some understanding anyway. And that you will keep checking back, to follow me through my journey (and my husband’s of course).