…I should have reached full term, in one weeks time. …I should have reached my due date, in four weeks time. …I should (possibly) have been experiencing labour. …I should have been experiencing the amazing challenge of giving birth again. …I should have been giving breastfeeding another shot, and been determined to succeed. …I should have been bringing my new baby home. …I should have been introducing little man to his new sibling. Instead I will cry. Cry many tears for my little angel, and celebrate their short life they had inside me. …I should have been… …But it wasn’t …
depression
When you feel depressed
When you’re feeling depressed… …do you feel paranoid, like everything everybody says to is out to hurt you, even though they’re only joking (you hope)? When you’re feeling depressed… …do you just wish the world would stop turning, go away, leave you alone, you just want to be on your own? When you’re feeling depressed… …do you just want to go to sleep, hide away, and wake up when it’s all over, when you feel better? When you’re feeling depressed… …do you start to hate everyone around you, snap at even the tiniest little thing, and then realise it’s not …
Nobody Said It Was Easy
Nobody said it was easy… …when you can’t conceive and are diagnosed with some form of infertility. Nobody said it was easy… …seeing what seems like everyone around you falling pregnant and having babies. Nobody said it was easy… …having to go through fertility treatment. Nobody said it was easy… …when you get that long awaited BFP and bleed and worry throughout. Nobody said it was easy… …to go through labour and birth. Nobody said it was easy… …to deal with post natal depression, and hating yourself and everyone around you. Nobody said it was easy… …falling pregnant whilst fighting …
Counselling – take 4
As I blogged about previously, the new counsellor I saw had given me some homework. Last time we decided that I needed to get out more, basically, to take my mind off grieving all of the time (obviously I can still grieve, but it was consuming me) so that’s what I’ve been doing. I also had my diary sheet to fill in for my homework (just like being back at school!). On this I had to write what I did, how I felt (and the % of that feeling), and rate the following on a scale of 1-10 – achievement, closeness …
Counselling – take 3
On Friday I went for another counselling session. For some reason I was nervous again before going in; I think this was because I was seeing a different person to whom I saw last year. This time it was a female, but I had no reason to be nervous as she was lovely and made me feel at ease straight away. We mainly discussed the miscarriage and how I had been feeling since then, as I think it’s what triggered most of the old feelings again. I was surprised that she didn’t know the statistics – that 1 in 4 women will …