When my mental health is like it is at the minute, I find paranoia really brings itself to the forefront (social media doesn’t help this, but we’re so dependent on it nowadays – especially for bloggers). Hand in hand with feeling like I’m not good enough and am always doing something wrong, it’s not a great pairing. Today has been a day where I wonder who I really can trust. You see things, hear things, from people you thought were good friends. Banter between people. One of them who you have already lost trust in, anyway. It could be innocent, …
depression
We’re going back to the start…
You may have seen last week that I had a huge breakdown and have fallen into the big black hole again. Where you just can’t see the future in front of you. Sometimes you don’t want to see the future in front of you. Sounds harsh, but sometimes it’s oh so true – that’s what it does to you. Anyway, I digress. After the breakdown, we saw it was a cry for help and I made a doctors appointment. I knew what I was going for, and that was anti-depressants. I was adamant that I wanted them, and when she asked …
Crash & burn
I was hoping, praying, that this wouldn’t happen again. That I wouldn’t suffer the same fate I did after J was born. I’ve been hiding, trying to fight it myself for weeks now. Nearing breaking point. Today I snapped. I reached it. I don’t know what triggered it, it just happened. From nowhere. I decided that life would be better off without me. My children, my husband, my family. Selfish. I know I’m selfish. But this illness, this horrible, debilitating, illness. Now that, that is even more selfish. It doesn’t care. It can control me. But I couldn’t control it. …
World Mental Health Day 2014 #TimeToTalk
Today, the 10th of October 2014, marks World Mental Health Day. Why is mental health still such a stigma? Chances are you know at least one person who has mental health issues, but you may not actually know because they are ashamed to talk about it. The recent death of the much loved Robin Williams caused everyone to start talking about it, but why should it take for somebody – anybody – to die, in order to start talking? The post I wrote last year I did so with ease; I wrote it because even though I wasn’t suffering at …
The depressing truth | In the media
I recently came across an article that a couple of friends posted on social media recently. The headline caught my eye simply because I related to it – The depressing truth behind mums ‘unable’ to breastfeed. I put together three of the words – depressing, unable, breastfeed – and immediately thought of myself. If you have read my blog before you will know that I really struggled to breastfeed both J & N. The months after J was born were some of the worst of my life because I was unable to breastfeed. I blamed myself, my body didn’t work properly, I couldn’t provide for …