I was hoping, praying, that this wouldn’t happen again. That I wouldn’t suffer the same fate I did after J was born. I’ve been hiding, trying to fight it myself for weeks now. Nearing breaking point. Today I snapped. I reached it. I don’t know what triggered it, it just happened. From nowhere. I decided that life would be better off without me. My children, my husband, my family. Selfish. I know I’m selfish. But this illness, this horrible, debilitating, illness. Now that, that is even more selfish. It doesn’t care. It can control me. But I couldn’t control it. …
post natal depression
World Mental Health Day 2014 #TimeToTalk
Today, the 10th of October 2014, marks World Mental Health Day. Why is mental health still such a stigma? Chances are you know at least one person who has mental health issues, but you may not actually know because they are ashamed to talk about it. The recent death of the much loved Robin Williams caused everyone to start talking about it, but why should it take for somebody – anybody – to die, in order to start talking? The post I wrote last year I did so with ease; I wrote it because even though I wasn’t suffering at …
The depressing truth | In the media
I recently came across an article that a couple of friends posted on social media recently. The headline caught my eye simply because I related to it – The depressing truth behind mums ‘unable’ to breastfeed. I put together three of the words – depressing, unable, breastfeed – and immediately thought of myself. If you have read my blog before you will know that I really struggled to breastfeed both J & N. The months after J was born were some of the worst of my life because I was unable to breastfeed. I blamed myself, my body didn’t work properly, I couldn’t provide for …
A to Z of Family – A is for Adjustment
I’m going to be joining in with Confessions of a SAHM’s new linky, being the A-Z of family. Each week we will go through the alphabet writing a post about one word ascertaining to that weeks letter. I think this will be a good challenge to join in with! Becoming a family means adjustment. Adjustment to a new lifestyle, a new routine, new people. Nothing can prepare you for just how big that adjustment is. It’s OK going to antenatal classes and all that jazz, but when reality hits, woah, it’s a totally different league! I found it incredibly hard becoming …
Mummy guilt (and PND)
Mummy guilt is something that I think most of us probably suffer from for one reason or another. I know I have, with both of my boys, throughout the last couple of years (and many more to come, I’m sure!). One of the first times I suffered – badly – was with my breastfeeding guilt after I “failed” with J. This partly led to my suffering from postnatal depression. Breastfeeding guilt is a horrible thing to feel, as everywhere you look you are reminded of how you couldn’t/didn’t provide the best for your baby. I felt like I was being judged …