On Friday I went for another counselling session. For some reason I was nervous again before going in; I think this was because I was seeing a different person to whom I saw last year. This time it was a female, but I had no reason to be nervous as she was lovely and made me feel at ease straight away. We mainly discussed the miscarriage and how I had been feeling since then, as I think it’s what triggered most of the old feelings again. I was surprised that she didn’t know the statistics – that 1 in 4 women will …
mental health
Broody & depressed
Lately I’m finding controlling my broodiness really hard. What with One Born Every Minute, seeing cute younger babies photos on facebook, and having just finally caught up on 16 Kids & Counting, it’s going up a notch every few days! I think the fact that I should have been halfway there with my pregnancy too (I would have been 20 weeks today), I’m finding the feeling of being broody really hard. I just want it to go away but I can’t. We should have been seeing our precious little bean again any time now, and it’s really upsetting. I thought …
I did it.
I did it. I finally went to the doctors again. After my counselling I had in the summer last year, things were better for a while. I was better for a while. Well, I felt it anyway. But then things started getting bad again. And then I discovered I was pregnant. After the initial shock, I had mainly good days, but a few I felt down. And then I miscarried. I was sent totally off the track again. As anyone would. But after the initial upset, everything that had bothered me before, started coming back to bother me again. Total …
Counselling – take 2
First of all, I’m so sorry I haven’t been updating regularly the last couple of weeks, it has been hectic with moving, trying to make a dent in the boxes, and decorating the little man’s room to get him in there! Well it looks a bit more lived in now rather than just a junk shop. Anyway, I had another counselling session last month. I had to do the depression questionnaire again and my results were a little better than they were at the previous one, so the tasks he gave me must have helped a little. He asked me …
Dread
I dread that I’m never going to be able to enjoy my baby fully. I feel like that has been taken away, and feel like there is no end in sight right now. I dread waking up some days because I find it hard to cope when he’s having a mega grumpy day, because he won’t sleep. Though being a Mummy, coping should come naturally, but it doesn’t seem to happen with me. I dread that I’m never going to get over my guilty feelings and they’ll haunt me for the rest of my life. I dread that I’m never …