Signed, the little man

Hello growned-ups.

My Mummy said I have to write to you as I haven’t done it since I was a couple of weeks old, and I’m nearly 4 months now. Well I haven’t had the time, I’ve been busy keeping her busy. I’m sure my Mummy has been keeping you updated with my progress so I won’t bore you with all that. She keeps calling me a greedy little chunk, I don’t know why. I only want 8oz of milk every 3 hours (maybe 4 hours on a lazy day when I can’t be bothered). But it’s doing me good because I’ve more than doubled my birthday weight now. 

One of my favourite things to do at the minute is what my Mummy keeps calling the back shuffle. It’s where I lift my back up and shuffle backwards with my bum. I like it because it’s funny at nappy changing time as Mummy can’t keep me still and calls me a little monkey. I discovered my proper giggle the other day too when Mummy took me to play with the other babies and I was laughing at the older ones throwing things around. Now I do it all the time as Daddy thinks it’s cute so he makes funny faces at me. I’m laughing at him, not with him. Silly Daddy. 

My mouth hurts a lot lately. Mummy keeps saying it’s teefies or something. I don’t know what that is but I wish it would go away. I just stick my hand in my mouth and it helps a bit. Mummy keeps trying to put stuff on my gums too which makes me chomp at her. I think it’s something to do with the teefies and the pain. I wonder what I can do when I do have teefies? 

My Mummy hasn’t been herself lately which upsets me. I hope it’s not my fault why she’s upset. Her & Daddy have been arguing too which isn’t nice. I don’t blame Mummy though. She says it’s the nasty depression gremlins. I don’t know what that is but I hope they go away soon so I get my Mummy back. I giggle and smile and talk at her. It makes her smile a bit. 

I’m typing this from my bed and Mummy & Daddy say I really must go to sleep now, so I better do. But I’m only going to pretend and give them false hope as they let that nasty woman stab me three times today. Oh well, no more for a few months now.

I might write again soon.

Lots of slobbery kisses from the little man. 


A new journey

A new journey.

One which every new mum hopes they won’t have to face.

It eats you from the inside.

It takes over your brain.

It makes you think things you shouldn’t be thinking.

It wears you down.

Post natal depression.

I first knew I was suffering when my health visitor did the PND questionnaire at my 8 week visit. I got a score indicating mild PND.

I then did it again with the doctor at my post natal check up at 12 weeks. I got a score indicating moderate PND.

Over the last few days I have felt awful, horrid, I really dislike myself right now. I haven’t cried this much since we were trying to conceive. It’s just gotten like this out of nowhere, I don’t know what triggered it. I’m still suffering some of that breastfeeding guilt too. 

I hate feeling like this.

I will fight it. 

However long it takes, I will lock those depression gremlins away never to be seen again.

I hope.