Two years ago we said goodbye

Two years ago we said goodbye.

We never saw you.

We never felt you.

We never heard you.

But every day now,

We see you – in your little brother.

We feel you – in our hearts.

We hear you – an angelic voice, inside of us.

The hurt, the pain, that will never go away.

It will ease.

It is easier.

But it still hurts.

That you’re not here, physically.

One day we will meet again.

Until then, until I can finally hold you in my arms,

I will hold you in my heart,


I’m jumping from a plane at 13,000 feet… #JumpForLove

As many of my regular readers will know, in December 2012 I fell
pregnant and then lost our little miracle at 10(+3) weeks gestation after a miscarriage at home. My husband
& I were obviously both absolutely devastated and we just about managed to get through Christmas
after the heartbreak, knowing what should have been. I never thought it would happen to me, that I would be a statistic of miscarriage, and I felt so withdrawn and depressed.

In the new year I discovered Saying Goodbye via Twitter, and Zoe & the team and their posts on there and Facebook helped me so much through the
grieving process. I learned to cope better thanks to the help of Zoe
and the rest of the truly amazing team.

I hope to attend one of the Saying Goodbye
services later this year, to stand and say goodbye to my baby, alongside others who have
also suffered this horrendous experience. But without donations and fundraising, these
services wouldn’t be able to happen and hundreds of people wouldn’t get this chance.

I am terrified, but this is why I am jumping out of a plane at 13,000 feet for
our angel, and to represent 1,000 of the 254,000 babies who are lost each year
through miscarriage and still birth.

I need to raise a minimum of £395 to be able to jump (I am still so far off this target), and understandably I really want to do
it so I would like to raise much MUCH more than this as it means so much to me.

So I need your help – please retweet this, share it on Facebook, Google, or even better – donate! I will be very grateful for any size of donation, it all adds up.

Thank you, so so much.

Post Comment Love

Miscarriage – why should we have to wait?

Many of my regular readers will know how we suffered a miscarriage back in December 2012. It was such a heartbreaking time for us, as it is for anyone. The thing that it made it worse? Waiting. Having to wait a whole weekend for a scan at the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit. Why? Because there were no staff to do it.

If you were following my blog at the time you will know how the end of my pregnancy panned out, but I will tell you briefly just to refresh and for anyone who has just found me. I started spotting on the Friday night, but as I had had spotting earlier and had a scan and all was OK, and we were going to the cinema for the evening, I didn’t bother going to the hospital. Being nearly the weekend, it wouldn’t have made much difference anyway… By the Saturday evening it had become worse, so we went to A&E. I was seen by a doctor who said because I was only spotting and having no cramps, it was unlikely to be a miscarriage but he would book me in for a scan anyway. But he couldn’t do that until Monday, as there were no staff to do it. So I was left to worry my heart out for the next 2 days. By the Sunday evening it was even worse (still no cramps) and I just knew it was going to come to an end very soon. We lost our little baby in the early hours of Monday morning. 
Now, having a scan over the weekend wouldn’t have made any difference to the outcome of my pregnancy, I know that. But it was the waiting. The waiting for confirmation. If I had been able to have a scan that weekend, I would have known. I could have prepared. But it just happened. And when I went for that scan later that afternoon, I was already beyond devastation.
Unfortunately this is also the case for thousands of other women. 
Very recently I came across this article – this lady happens to be a friend of a friend. Bethanie has set up a petition to introduce emergency weekend scans for mums-to-be who are potentially miscarrying. I have signed it as it is of course something which I strongly believe should be in place already. Too many women (and men) are suffering, and it just shouldn’t be the case. 
Whether you or someone you know has been affected by this issue, or even if you haven’t, PLEASE take just a minute to sign the petition here and share it; it will mean so much to so many women. 

A to Z of Family – A is for Adjustment

I’m going to be joining in with Confessions of a SAHM’s new linky, being the A-Z of family. Each week we will go through the alphabet writing a post about one word ascertaining to that weeks letter. I think this will be a good challenge to join in with! 

Becoming a family means adjustment. Adjustment to a new lifestyle, a new routine, new people. Nothing can prepare you for just how big that adjustment is. It’s OK going to antenatal classes and all that jazz, but when reality hits, woah, it’s a totally different league!

I found it incredibly hard becoming a 3 person family, and as my regular readers and those who have been there from the beginning know, I struggled an awful lot and suffered from post natal depression. It was so hard to adjust – suddenly I had this new little fragile person to care for, who would be dependent on me (and his Daddy) for everything. Clothing, feeding, bathing. It wasn’t just me that I had to do it for anymore. I suddenly became second priority.

Then when he was 6 months I unexpectedly fell pregnant again, naturally. I was even more terrified this time than the first time! Especially because I was suffering PND, I wasn’t ready. Caring for two little people only 15 months apart?! Unimaginable! I just didn’t know what to do. But of course I loved this new precious miracle life so much already. I had to adjust, yet again, so quickly. Unfortunately that wasn’t meant to be and it was another period of adjustment that our family of 4 wasn’t going to happen just yet, whilst grieving from losing a precious child.

The miscarriage though, made us realise that yes, we did want this now, and whatever it took, we could do it. We could look after two little people. Heck, after the first one, you know what you’re doing right?! 6 months after our loss I fell pregnant for a third time. It was a tough few weeks up until our scan, but then I could relax a little (not much) and prepare for adjusting to becoming a family of 4, finally, hopefully.

Fast forward 9 months and it was all real. Our second little man arrived, and it wasn’t only me & hubby that had to adjust, it was J also. For almost 2 years he had been an only child, and then this other little human comes and steals his limelight. This time, it was him that had the most difficulty adjusting. Though he has got there in the end. It kind of just slipped into place for us adults – I can say it was definitely easier adjusting to 2 children than to 1!

One Year

One year.

One year ago today.

That day that I became another statistic.

The worst day of our year. 

One of the worst of our lives. 

It changed me.

I suffered.

I still suffer. 

Especially today.




But we gained another gift.

A gift from our angel.

We have never forgotten.

But we remember you even more so today.

On the date that we lost you.

Lost you forever.


But not emotionally or your memory.

One year.