It’s been months. Months since I felt black like this. I suppose life can be described in a spectrum of colours, and people will almost always generally know how you are feeling. And right now I am feeling black. Like a black hole of despair.
Despair. Despair at myself. At life. At everything. You know when you consider the worst possible thing that could happen. Is how I feel right now.
People ask, “What’s wrong? Are you feeling a bit low?”. No. No I’m not just feeling low. I am depressed. And it’s repeatedly hitting me hard in the face right now. It’s been fairly under control for months, with slight hiccups along the way, but now. Just.
There are just no words that you can use to describe to someone who just doesn’t understand. Who just hasn’t been there. From an outsider looking in, you are simply just having a bad day.
For the first time in months, I just physically can’t bring myself to get dressed.
But tomorrow. Tomorrow is a brand new day. And I might, just, manage it.