It’s the end of the year 2014 and a time to reflect on how it has been. Like years past, it has had its fair share of ups & downs but I have kept on battling through with the help of my husband and a few friends who have been there through it all. I’ve also said goodbye to some ‘friends’ at this latter part of the year and although I’m still in the depths of doom, it’s actually helped towards me feeling better.
We started January by realising that this was the year we were actually going to become parents again to a new little life! Little man J also started nursery and though it was a tough start for both of us, he has grown to love it now.
In February we decided to move J to a big bed in preparation for actually getting him to sleep in his own bed before baby arrived. It went pretty much without a hitch! It was also my due month although we weren’t holding out much hope for a February baby – it would have been wonderful if baby had arrived on the 26th, which is my mother-in-law’s birthday and also our first one without her. That didn’t happen, but on the last day of the month I went into labour and tweeted all of the way through it – the support and encouragement was amazing!
The first day of March and our new addition, N, finally made his appearance only one day late (though just a couple of hours earlier and he would have been bang on time) and I became a Mummy of two under two! I also got my much wanted home birth which was the most amazing experience ever. I struggled through the whole month with breastfeeding though; it may seem trivial to some but after my guilt with J it was one of the hardest times of my life. J also turned two years old and my goodness did the “terrible two’s” really begin.
Other than us all still adjusting to being a family of four, April was a fairly quiet month for us. I think the most exciting thing that happened this month was taking delivery of a lovely new KUB cot that I won, which was very welcome as we still hadn’t got around to getting one for N!
In May we started our summer adventures and J started to become accustomed to N with them sharing some really precious moments together. We also had our very first “parents evening” at J’s nursery and other than a bit of trouble with his behaviour towards other children (which we managed to work on) he was doing brilliantly and has come on so much since starting.
June was when this year started to become really tough and depression began to rear its ugly head again. I suffered a bit of breastfeeding guilt again but came out the other side this time, but unfortunately my depression didn’t ‘just disappear’. We also took the decision of no more babies for the very foreseeable future (even writing this now I still stand by it!).
July was a bit of a mixed month. It was exciting with my very first VIP blogging invitation to the opening of the Stockeld Park Summer Adventure at which we had a fantastic time, and I met the lovely Vicki from Honest Mum (I’m still jealous of your hair, hehe!). This month though I started having doubts about my blog and was constantly comparing it to others. I re-evaluated what I wanted from my blog, and I hope that 2015 will take it to the next level. The end of the month was a little sombre with it being the one year anniversary of losing my mother-in-law.
In August we took the step of starting to potty train little man J. Needless to say, it didn’t go very well and we still haven’t gotten very far! Maybe 2015 and three years old will be the year?… I also started my weight loss again which also hasn’t gone very well after falling into a major bout of depression – maybe 2015 will be the year for that also?! We did start the end of the month with our first holiday as a family of four though, along with my brother-and-father-in-law.
September saw us continue our holiday, though by the end I was glad that it was over with! I also realised that N had to actually grow up and couldn’t stay a baby forever, when we started weaning him – sad Mummy as the realisation dawned that my baby boy wouldn’t be a baby for much longer!
October was set to be an eventful month with me booked to do a charity skydive, but then due to weather conditions and then me being poorly, it didn’t go ahead. With my mental health suffering too, I will hopefully now be doing it next year. It was still an eventful month though with me falling to the lowest point I have ever been when depressed. Thinking about it now still upsets me, and even now I still feel the same some days. It was also when my weight loss crashed into a brick wall.
November saw me starting to take antidepressants again – though I have had no shame this time and I am not afraid to talk about it. We also held N’s rainbow themed Naming Day which I stressed out about a heck of a lot, but it (mostly) went without a hitch in the end and he looked beautiful. Regarding my depression & anxiety, it also made me realise the true worth of friendship and begin to re-evaluate there too. Through the tough times I discovered who really did care. Christmas started early this year though and we started our adventures this month!
Other than it being the two year anniversary of my miscarriage, December was a fun filled month with the arrival of our Elf. We also had a few Christmas outings and of course Christmas preparations helped keep me busy and my mind elsewhere, though I did have another breakdown. The very end of the year has had me questioning whether I can make it through another one – I have to, somehow.
What have been your highs & lows of 2014?