As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This means I may earn a small commission if you use my affiliate links, but there's no extra cost for you!

Yesterday I had another breakdown.
I really didn’t see this one coming, it just came from nowhere.
Hubby was at work, the boys were playing, and I was sat nearby.
I had been feeling on edge all morning but that’s nothing unusual for nowadays so I didn’t think too much of it, really.
Over the space of a few minutes I just completely lost it. I cried. Floods and floods of tears.
Pacing up & down.
Trying so hard to stop myself…
I wanted to go back to this same place.
I was scared.
I couldn’t stop what was happening.
But I was scared. For me. For my boys. For seeing Mummy like that. They should never have to see Mummy like that.
I sent hubby about 30 messages, and rang him, just begging for him to come home and save me.
It just felt like somebody else had completely taken over me.
That’s not normal, is it?
I’m not normal.
I’m in this big black hole, and I really really despise it.
I just want to climb out.
If only it was that simple.
I hate depression.
Eating away.
Destroying.
You can’t beat me though.
I will win.
One day.
Whenever that may be.

Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc, or its affiliates.

Stacey

I’m Stacey, a bookworm (or should that be dragon?!) from a quaint hamlet on the outskirts of Lincolnshire. In my late 30s, I’m a devoted mum to two wonderful boys who are both autistic—a unique aspect that makes them different, not less. I also share my home with my husband and Barney, my lovable Frenchie x Beagle.

You may also like...

2 Comments

  1. Oh sweetheart *massive hugs* for you. I completely understand that feeling, it's a horrid, scary feeling, but it will pass. You will feel better again. Sending strength xxx

  2. I am so sorry that you had a breakdown and sounds so very scary. Sending you big virtual hugs and hope that today has been a better day xxx

Leave a reply, I'd love to hear what you think! (If using your name and email you may want to take a look at my updated privacy policy to see how I use your information.)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.