Reflections on the year that was 2011

So, here it is, 2011 is finally coming to an end. I have to say it has been a year of a huge mixture of emotions, ups & downs, highs & lows for me. But all of these have made me a stronger person. I also want to thank my amazing friends for me getting me through the hardest of times, I will be forever grateful. So follows a (not so, now I’ve read it back) brief run down and reflections on the year that was 2011…

January was the month I started blogging about my experience/s, and I’m extremely glad I did now. It was when the first of a long string of babies/BFP’s started arriving. I was of course absolutely distraught as usual, even though I knew the babies were coming and of course expecting there to be some BFP’s. It was even worse for me at the beginning of the year because it was our 2 year anniversary of starting TTC. Add to this the fact that my HSG kept getting put back, in turn putting our FC appointments back, making our process even longer.

February was a month when I was really struggling with my weight loss and just wondering why I could not do it, when everyone else could. I suppose all the stress of the FC/tests didn’t help much. I pushed through with encouragement from my friends and managed to get my head-space regarding weight back, and get back on track. I also finally had my HSG, which was an experience! I also had a mini breakdown from a LOT of BFP’s being announced, which was just horrible. 

March was a fairly happy month (better than the last two anyway), firstly regarding my weight loss, I finally reached the BMI bracket of being overweight! I was extremely happy as it was a huge achievement for me after being obese for so long, and the minimum goal I needed for fertility treatment to go ahead! Also, we finally had our appointment where we actually saw the consultant to discuss the treatment to be had, which was clomid to start with, as I was finally diagnosed with having PCOS. 

In April, I seemed to be quite up and down, especially with my emotions. It was also the month I started on my first round of clomid, after AF finally showed up after the last one in February! That was an experience too, just like the HSG… Also, cue more BFP announcements and my emotions in turmoil…

In May, one of hubby’s work friends announced him & his girlfriend were expecting a baby after only about 9 months into the relationship, and of course it was an accident! This absolutely destroyed me, and at this point I felt like giving up. Also, cue more BFP’s from friends, some even on their 2nd in the time we had been trying…

 June cued another spate of BFP’s and babies, after me getting numerous BFN’s. But AF finally turned up, meaning I could get started on my 2nd round of clomid, after it being upped to 100mg by our consultant at our appointment at the end of May. This cycle was even more horrendous than the last! But it seemed to mean it was doing something worthwhile in my body…

…As in July, we finally got our long awaited BFP! This was definitely a happy month, if not also a slightly sad one for me, because I felt guilty that some of my friends were still awaiting their precious BFP’s, and very sad for some of my friends because they knew I had got mine. I decided I would tell them in advance so it wasn’t such a shock when I announced it ‘publicly’. Although they were over the moon for me, I just knew deep inside they were heartbroken, as I had been many times before.

For the main of August (and pretty much all of July come to that, as we got our BFP at the beginning), it was a giddy month, having to keep it quiet until our scan. It was such a relief when we could finally reveal it to everyone! Needless to say, those that didn’t know were absolutely over the moon, I think it was as much a shock to them as it was to me! When I revealed on the forum, there were people in tears, the same happened again here, which made me cry even more! The scan was one of the best moments of my life, getting to see our precious little life jumping about on the screen. I also noticed a teeny bump forming this month, and we decided we would be using cloth nappies, so the buying commenced! 

September was quite an eventful month! It was PCOS Awareness Month, which brought me to write a couple of posts to spread awareness of PCOS, as this is what I had been diagnosed with earlier in the year. My emotions were also up & down slightly this month, I think it was the start of the ‘pregnancy blues’, as I had absolutely no reason to be feeling down whatsoever, I just was, and then I felt worse because I felt guilty for feeling like that. Mid month we also had a scare, with me having a bit of bleeding. This was one of the worst & most tearful days of my life as I thought we were losing everything we had worked so hard for. But all was okay. Near the end of the month I felt the first flutters! 

It was my quarter century birthday in October, the last one before I will become a Mummy! It was a good month, we had a lovely holiday in Devon, but a birthday where I couldn’t drink alcohol was a bit strange! Of course I didn’t mind though in the slightest, it was all worth it. My emotions were up & down again this month too, and we reached the half way mark! We also discovered we are going to be having a little man – I’m going to be outnumbered!

November saw us reach ‘V Day’, the stage of viability, where little man would have a better chance of survival if he were to be born early. My bump also seemed to be expanding a lot! We also got to hear little mans heartbeat at my consultant appointment, that also has to be added to my list of most amazing moments. No matter how many times it’s heard, it never fails to amaze. 

In December, of course we were headed towards Christmas and this led to exhaustion once again, after I decided I would make gift hampers for 5 people, and it involved a heck of a lot of baking & tiredness throughout the month! We also reached double figures for little mans expected arrival! I had my GTT this month, and the results from that were fine so I was discharged from the consultant, meaning only midwife visits until baby’s arrival, unless I’m referred for anything in the meantime. Towards the end of the month was hard, as my Nan was in hospital and took a downward spiral, so we had a quite relaxed Christmas at my Mum’s. Unfortunately my Nan passed away on the 27th. Heartbreaking, but she is obviously making room for her great grandson to make his way into the world. 

R.I.P Nanna, always in our hearts x 

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