Yes, we are having a baby! After 2.5 years! I still can’t quite believe it!
Everybody on the forum I go on was in tears and shock, cue more tears from me!
Well long story short, I tested on CD29 (last Friday) and got a BFN, so thought that was it for this month. Well I had one PG test left so yesterday I thought ‘what the heck’ and tested, control line appeared, yep, test line appeared, ‘what the?!’! I thought I was seeing things! So I did an OPK (I have loads of those and remember someone on the forum saying she got her BFP from one), same happened there! Waited ’til hubby got home from work and did another OPK, then we went and got some from the shop, and did one of those! Two lines! Then I saved the other until this morning, just in case I dreamed it all yesterday, but yes, still two lines!
I went to the GP this morning and I have to go for a blood test in 2 weeks before our next FC appointment, she said if it confirms it then I probably won’t need to go, but I’m going to anyway so I’m still in the system, just in case… She also said not to get too excited as you can get false positives, but 3 in a row?! (Well 5 if you count the OPK’s lol)
Going by my LMP by EDD is 25th March and I am 4 weeks 6 days gone. Can’t wait for our scan though so we can find out more accurately, hate having stupid cycles!
P.S. If you are on my Facebook please don’t say anything until I do.
Realised I haven’t updated for a while, well since before I started clomid round 2, so here goes…
Well AF actually appeared ‘properly’ the day after my last blog post, so that helped! Roll on CD2 and I started on my 100mg, well I was pretty normal (well as normal as my periods can be) for that day, but the next two days were absolutely horrendous. AF was so heavy and I had stomach ache throughout, it was that bad I had to go and ‘change’ every couple of hours, just yuck. I haven’t had a period like that for years, forgot how bad my bad periods actually were. But, I suppose that means the higher dose was actually doing something as I never had it that bad last round, in fact it was much lighter than normal. Didn’t really have many other side effects, mainly constant headaches like last time around, and mood swings and a little emotional.
Today is CD15, so I guess am on the TWW, although if it’s anything to go by my last cycle of 54 days, I don’t know…
Anyway, that’s that, now for other stuff. Been finding the whole thing a bit difficult lately. Everyone either seems to be having babies or announcing pregnancies again, it’s just like they all come at once. The thing that really pushed me over the edge was yesterday. One of my close friends posted a status on Facebook referring to the whole TTC thing, and anyway we got to the point where I said seeing pics of scans and bumps etc. really upset me, and a mutual friend (who just happens to be pregnant) said along the lines of ‘well delete everyone who does that, it would be the easiest thing’. I said if I did that half my friends would be gone! So bearing in mind she knew how I felt right then, an hour later she had posted a pic of her expanding bump! That just really got to me, like she was rubbing it in. She probably wasn’t, but anyone who suffers IF will know that we can be incredibly sensitive and just wish people would think sometimes.
Well right before that, another friend posted a photo of her newborn girl who is incredibly gorgeous. Surprisingly though this didn’t upset me too much as she is one of the nicest people I know and I couldn’t think of a better person for it to happen to, she has always been sensitive towards me and there when I needed a chat. I posted a status not long after these two events simply saying *sigh*, and unfortunately this friend thought it was about her when it really wasn’t, so if you are reading this then I hope you understand.
Also something that one of my best friends said to me not long ago has been playing on my mind. We were discussing about people posting the pics and she said she doesn’t mind the scan pics but when I do get pregnant (I’m more thinking ‘if’) that I am not to post bump pics (which I am not going to do anyway, as I know just how heartbreaking it is. I will be posting on here for anyone that wants to see, then those who don’t, don’t have to look) because it is like the person saying ‘Look what I can do and you can’t’ – and in a way, playing over and over in my head, I suppose it is. And then another friend posted a photo of her expanding bump tonight. I usually ‘like’ these from this friend but I just had to navigate away from the page, I was immediately in tears. I just want it to be me.
I just think I need a break from the whole Facebook thing. It’s just all getting too much for me again and I’m in tears every day, and I just don’t want to be.
So we had our follow up FC appointment on Tuesday (on CD52, with no BFP or AF, had done a test on Monday), thought it was going to be awful with me probably not losing enough weight to satisfy the consultant, but it couldn’t have gone much better!
We were sat waiting for nearly an hour beforehand though, as he didn’t even turn up until 25 mins after our appt. time and there was someone waiting before us! Anyway, she came out of the room crying which really scared me, I thought ‘Oh great!’
While we were waiting I got weighed, I knew I had lost weight but whether it was enough I didn’t know, as he didn’t tell me last time how much I needed to lose. Anyway, another few mins and we went in, he asked how we were, then said ‘You have lost weight’ (like I didn’t know that!) ‘Well done!’ not sure if my mouth dropped open in shock lol. Then he told me my bloods results, that I never OV’d last round of (50mg) clomid. Had a feeling anyway. I told him my CD and he asked if I was sure I wasn’t pg, I said no, but he wanted me to do a test anyway, so I did. BFN. And well I obviously knew that too. So basically he has upped my dosage to 100mg! I still have my other round of 50mg I got before but he said go straight to 100mg, and I have to have more bloods this cycle. And he kept saying well done when we leaving which made me happy after the last appointment when he kept telling me I need to lose some even though I had 😀
And regarding AF, have been having spotting the last few days, just want it to turn up properly now so I can get on with taking my clomid again!
Well we have our follow up FC appointment tomorrow, from the last one when we got clomid. That’s the one round done, maybe he thought both rounds would be gone before tomorrow but no! Still no sign of AF… Until this evening, there is a slight, slight bit of spotting. POAS again earlier and it was a BFN so hoping AF does arrive, what a coincidence that would be!
Feeling slightly nervous that he may not even give us any more, as I don’t know if I have lost enough weight to be in his good books, as he didn”t actually tell me how much he wanted me to lose. He never weighed me at the last appt. though, I haven’t been weighed since our first one in October of last year. I have lost around a stone (14 lbs ish) since then though, so hopefully he will be happy.
In other news, a couple more people I have discovered are pregnant (some with their 2nd in the time we’ve been trying). It’s just never ending, and I often sit wondering if it will ever be our turn.
This is a song I came across on 999 reasons to laugh at infertility, then I discovered the video on another blog I am following, so I added it to mine too, as it just rings so true. Some may say it’s a ‘morbid’ song (yes, someone did actually say that to me) but it helps to listen to it, and to know that there are people going through it who feel the exact same way, though no-one should ever have to go through it. I know life would be no fun if everything were easy, but going through this is not easy, and certainly not fun.