Mixed emotions

Today I have been feeling a mixture of emotions. I woke up happy, cheery, not a care in the world. And then the next minute I wanted to cry. This has been on & off all day, just when I read or come across something upsetting to me. Especially when I read one of my LTTTC virtual friends blogs. 


She was writing about the forum we are both on, more so the C&F forum. About how there are so many people TTC their 2nd, 3rd, 4th, in the time she’s been trying. About how she notices her other LTTTC friends kind of hide away wondering if they feel the same as she does. Well I want you to know, as I was reading it, it could have been me writing it. I feel exactly the same. Which is why I am rarely on there, probably 2 or 3 days a week, and then only to see if there is anything new to catch up on, or if I have any news to share. It’s just too depressing. If you ever read this I want you to know you aren’t the only one feeling that way, and I just want to send out to you a HUGE hug.

I catch up with most of my LTTTC’ers/’infertiles’ on Facebook anyway. But even that’s depressing in the same way sometimes. 

Successful FC update

It was another long wait… 1.5 hours… but it was actually worth it this time! 

We actually saw the consultant this time! As soon as I walked in the room and saw him I was nervous! He’s scary… He asked what we’d been told about our tests (ultrasound, HSG, bloods, SA’s), and asked about my cycles, symptoms etc. So I told him, and then he basically relayed it back to us and told me I don’t OV, which I know already… And then he said he would like to put me on medication (clomid) but I need to lose weight first… Argh, I nearly burst out crying cos I thought he wasn’t going to give us any! I told him I’ve already lost 45 lbs, and he kept saying I need to lose weight, I said ‘Yes’, he said ‘Yes isn’t good enough’ – my GP and my friend were right, he is scary (and strict)! Even hubby was intimidated! Although he said he is strict but he gets results! So I’ll just put up with it!

Anyway, he said he will put his trust in me and give me clomid and we have to go back in two months (if it hasn’t worked by then), but if I haven’t lost any… Well, then I’m sure he’ll shout at me!

So I have two rounds of 50mg (he will give us up to 9 months worth). I have to wait until AF arrives and then take it on days 2-6, BD from day 10 onwards, but tbh I think we’ll be at it like rabbits, have waited long enough already!… He said if AF doesn’t arrive around/after CD28 then to take a test…

So now I’m nervous, but excited at the same time as we are actually getting somewhere after 2 and a bit years!

FC update – What a waste of time

So we went for our next appointment on Tuesday, to find out the results of my HSG and basically see what step to take next.


Well what a waste of time that was! We were in there all of 3 minutes, after a 45 minute wait anyway as they were running late. And yet again it was a different doctor we saw – 3 visits so far, 3 different doctors. Just wondering if we’ll ever actually meet the man himself! Anyway, the doctor told us that my HSG was fine, tubes are clear – that’s a good thing to come out of the visit I suppose, no more worrying about that. But the consultant (Mr Odukoya) wasn’t actually there today, so she couldn’t tell us what was going to happen next. WHAT?! You have to be kidding me, right? After the palava we’ve had getting this far! (Not that she was to know, but that’s what I was thinking) I don’t understand why they can’t just write in the notes what to do next, so the person seeing you knows? I thought that’s what they did, obviously thought wrong…


Not to worry though, only got to wait another week! Sigh. Luckily she rang through and managed to make us an appointment for next Tuesday instead (after asking if that was OK, to which I replied along the lines of “Well it will have to be, wont’t it?!”). Hopefully 4th time lucky, hey?! 

I’m overweight!!

I know, not the usual thing that is good to hear, but after being obese for a few years it IS a good thing!


Today I finally hit the overweight BMI category! Right on the line! Just where I need to be for treatment with the FC, right before our appointment on Tuesday! Now just need to keep it there! Well, preferably get further below, and not go above again!





I am SO SO happy, it’s took a while to get here! Especially since my plateau started back in January, when I was so close to being here already (0.2 lbs off), I’ve been stuck between here and the 4/5 lbs I gained after starting up my exercise again. But now I’ve started running training it’s dropping off!


Short but sweet today but just had to share! And is this my first ever happy post?! It’s just such a big deal for me! 


P.S. Here are my new legs! 


Being Told

Recently there are SO many people announcing their pregnancies – in my opinion I think people need to find something else to do around Christmas time, funny how they’re all due in September! ;P – a few of these though, have thought it ‘best’ to tell me before announcing it ‘publicly’ (i.e. on facebook). 


I suppose it’s so that it’s not so much of a shock and disappointment to me when they do it, and I am so grateful that my friends care about me enough to do this, but at the same time I don’t want them to feel like it’s their duty to do it, when I should be happy for them anyway (which I am) and not be so disappointed. 


I think I’ve improved lately in controlling my feelings with announcements and such, although I’m still having my up & down days.


I just want to be able to tell MY friends that I’M pregnant, that’s all I want.