I should have written this last week but only got around to it today.
So last week, after the mess about with the HSG, we went for our appointment at the FC anyway. I knew they wouldn’t be able to tell us much without having the HSG, but they could tell me something. My pelvic scan came back fine, no abnormalities. But bloods were abnormal. No OV. Which I knew anyway, so wasn’t really a shock to me. But then she said it is most likely that I have PCOS, with the results of my bloods and my medical history, but obviously they need my HSG for the full picture and to diagnose it for certain. This wasn’t too much of a shock either as I had also suspected it.
So now I am just waiting for AF to arrive (which should be any day now, I think) before I can book my HSG, and I am going to get one this time, because our next appointment is in March and I will probably only have only 1 AF between now and then! And I seriously cannot wait yet another month after that, it will be nearly 6 months as it is since I’ve been trying to get one!
Edit: I have one for next week!
Today I took the next step in ‘getting over’ my people getting pregnant and having babies saga. I looked through somebody’s newborn album on fakebook.
It may not seem like much to the normal observer, but to me that is a HUGE step. I never really do that, for fear of jealousy and floods of tears. I got all the way through the album. Yes, I could feel the tears bubbling to the surface, and of course I was still jealous, as it is what I have wanted for the last two years, to hold a baby in my arms. But I actually did it. The first step of many, I think I just need to keep it up now and try overcome in my own slow way.
I also went to somebody personally and congratulated them on their pregnancy announcement (following on from my post from a couple of days ago). Only a few months late, but better late than never, hey?
For a few months now on fakebook, I’ve been avoiding saying congratulations to people and commenting on/liking their bump/baby photos. Mainly because I’m insanely jealous of them and just couldn’t bring myself to do it as I wish it was me. But I’ve now realised how harsh this has been of me, and one of my resolutions is to rectify this. It’s not their fault I’m broken and can’t make a baby (at the minute), but it’s like I’m taking it out on them (well, not like, it is taking it out on them).
But they deserve to be happy, and me be happy for them, as it’s messing with my head. I can’t go through the next few months like this, it’s always going to be staring me in the face and I just can’t avoid it. I would expect the same for me, so it’s only right.
So today I took that first step and said it to somebody, and I’m feeling quite proud of myself, as it has been an underlying problem with me for the last few months that has been so hard to deal with, but I need to deal with it, for my own sanity and that of my husband.
So, to all you mums-to-be who I haven’t said congratulations to (or the like), congratulations. (Although most of you won’t be reading this, I should probably go and say it to you personally…)
For some readers who may not know what I mean when I use acronyms like ‘BFP’, ‘OPK’, etc, I will post the most commonly used ones – If there are any I have missed leave them in the comments section 🙂
AF – Aunt Flo (menstrual period – a.k.a. ‘the witch’)
ANOV – Anovulatory (no ovulation)
BBT – Basal Body Temperature
BD – Baby Dance (making love)
BFP – Big Fat Positive (positive pregnancy test)
BFN – Big Fat Negative (negative pregnancy test)
CD – Cycle Day
CM – Cervical Mucus (one of my friends doesn’t like talking about this, which I think is rather funny!)
DPO – Days Post-Ovulation
DTD – Do The Deed (making love)
EWCM – Egg White Cervical Mucus
FC – Fertility Clinic
HPT – Home Pregnancy Test
HSG – Hysterosalpingogram (a medical procedure where they inject dye into your tubes, to check for blockages)
ICSI – Intra-Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection (a medical procedure to help you become pregnant)
IF – Infertility
IUI – Intrauterine Insemination (a medical procedure to help you become pregnant)
IVF – In Vitro Fertilisation (a medical procedure to help you become pregnant)
LH – Luteinizing Hormone (the hormone that stimulates OV)
LMP – Last Menstrual Period (the first day of)
LP – Luteal Phase (the number of days between ovulation and the start of AF)
LTTTC – Long Term Trying To Conceive
MC – Miscarriage
OPK – Ovulation Prediction Kit (self explanatory)
OV – Ovulation
PCOS – Polycystic Ovary Syndrome
PCO – Polycystic Ovaries
PG – Pregnant (the one I really want to write for myself!)
POAS – Pee On A Stick (self explanatory)
PUPO – Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise
SA – Semen Analysis
TTC – Trying To Conceive
So it seems, as soon as you start ttc, there seems to be pregnant women EVERYWHERE. Of course, they have always been there, it’s just that you want to be one of them, so you start noticing them more. And soon enough, it takes over your life.
Social networking sites. Yep, they are all over there too. There seems to be something in the water at the minute. It seems like every other day someone is announcing they are pregnant. I don’t mind (well, if I’m honest, which is what this blog is for, it kind of destroys me a little more inside every time I hear it, and a wave of jealousy explodes inside of me), it’s just when their scan photos are ‘flaunted’ all over. Well, again, I don’t mind people adding their photos, as they want to show off their baby, and everyone else wants to see. I can avoid that by just not looking at the photos, which I do (apart from when they appear on my top news feed, at which point I quickly move page).
It’s when they then have them as their profile photo too. I then see them all the time, and every time it hurts just that little bit more. I can’t avoid this, unless I stop using the site altogether, or remove them from my friends, or hide them from my feed. Which I don’t want to do any of, as they are my friends, and I like to keep up with them. (OK, so in truth, I’m just too nosy). It just feels like it’s being rubbed in, that they’re pregnant and happy, and I’m not. I know that’s not true, but infertility drives you to these types of thoughts.
From this experience, when (trying to think positive here, not working) we are in the situation we so want to be in, I am not going to be doing the profile pic thing, as I know all too much just how soul destroying it is every single time it flashes in your face.