I Would Die For That

This is a song I came across on 999 reasons to laugh at infertility, then I discovered the video on another blog I am following, so I added it to mine too, as it just rings so true. Some may say it’s a ‘morbid’ song (yes, someone did actually say that to me) but it helps to listen to it, and to know that there are people going through it who feel the exact same way, though no-one should ever have to go through it. I know life would be no fun if everything were easy, but going through this is not easy, and certainly not fun.

Kellie Coffey – I Would Die For That

Jenny was my best friend.

Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret 
She just couldn’t keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.


And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
To young to know that one day
She might live to regret.


But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.


I’ve been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We’re told not to give up.
He wonders if it’s him.
And I wonder if it’s me.


All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won’t understand it
If it’s not meant to be.


Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.


And I want to know what it’s like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I’d give up!
I would die for that.


Sometimes it’s hard to conceive, 
With all that I’ve got,
And all I’ve achieved,
What I want most 
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
“I love you, Mom.”


I would die for that. 
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.


And I want to know what it’s like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die …
I would die for that.

Things

Haven’t posted for a couple of weeks so thought I’d post a general update.


Not much has changed with me really, still on the TWW which is turning into a 3WW, 4WW… I’m feeling pretty yucky today – feel sick, headache, dizzy, just generally meh, but I very much doubt it’s anything to do with a BFP now, after the last 3 or 4 tests I did, a couple of days apart with each. Too late to test today anyway, will have to wait until the morning now…


Been feeling slightly down again the last few days, after hubby told me that his work friend is going to be a Dad after him & his girlfriend had an ‘accident’ after only about 9 months! πŸ™ They don’t live together, they stay at each others parents houses every week, he works, she’s at college! Fair enough I don’t work at the minute, but my husband does, we have our own place, all ready to just welcome a baby into the world, after over 2 long, hard years already! I even said to hubby maybe we should just give up and DTD whenever wherever and just try and have an accident, but well, we know it doesn’t work like that for us πŸ™ I may have seemed okay on the outside recently, but inside, I am hurting SO bad! 


Our follow up FC appointment is in just under 2 weeks, I have lost hardly any weight since our last one (although I wasn’t weighed then, I was at our first one in October and have lost about a stone (14lbs) ish since then, so hopefully it will show) even though I have been working damn hard (okay, maybe a couple of slip ups), I’m scared the consultant is going to be very annoyed at me and not give us any more clomid, everything is just getting on top of me and I can’t take it πŸ™


Oh well, life goes on…

Baby Gaga

Some of you may be familiar with this app on Fakebook. It basically rubs it in to all the infertiles how far along in their pregnancy their friends and family are, and when they’re going to have their babies. (You could say the friends/family are rubbing it in as they added the app., but no, I’m not going to blame them today, I’m just here for a self absorbed moan)


Well I just log on after my bath, and I see not one, not two, but three posts one after the other, all with due dates 3 weeks apart! One is a close friend, one is a cousin, and the other a friend from school. Oh I’m going to have a fun August/September if I’m not pregnant by then! :/ I think I may just have to avoid Fakebook altogether at that point…

TWW

Well, it seems I’ve been neglecting this recently! Haven’t posted since I was taking my clomid…


I haven’t much to report anyway, except to say ‘So this is what a TWW feels like?!’, after never having an ‘official’ one in the 28 months we’ve been TTC. I’ve been baking a lot, and this has been taking my mind off of it, although it still seems to be dragging! CD28 is on Saturday, so that’s the big day, seeing whether AF turns up on Sunday, if not I have to test, eek…


A few more people have announced BFP’s and had their babies, have mainly been happy and congratulatory, but obviously still been emotional at times.


One last thing, just after we came out of the hospital after my CD21 OV blood test, we saw the BFP numberplate! Not getting my hopes up though as I’ve seen it before…

CD6, clomid round 1, day 5

Yesterday was the final clomid of round 1, now I just have to await the next couple of weeks with impatience and see if it has worked… I think this is going to be worse than ever before, at least before I knew I wasn’t OV’ing anyway and no chance of me getting pg!


Have to BD from days 10-20, and go for bloods on days 21 & 28.


Fingers crossed…