Blood results

Today I went for my blood results to confirm my pregnancy… Well I am definitely pregnant! My GP also said that my hCG levels were exceptionally high for this stage of pregnancy, meaning that either the clomid has an effect on the levels, or there is more than one in there, eek…


We have our FC appt. on Tuesday anyway, so I will ask the consultant! The GP also said that he will probably discharge us as we don’t really need to attend any more.


And my booking in appt. with the midwife is on the 3rd August, I will be about 8.5 weeks then! Now things are steaming ahead I’m hoping it goes quick as I’m quite impatient!


It’s so hard keeping it quiet on Facebook too! 

Update on us and this cycle (round 2 100mg clomid)

Well, I have some rather exciting news…





Yes, we are having a baby! After 2.5 years! I still can’t quite believe it!


Everybody on the forum I go on was in tears and shock, cue more tears from me!


Well long story short, I tested on CD29 (last Friday) and got a BFN, so thought that was it for this month. Well I had one PG test left so yesterday I thought ‘what the heck’ and tested, control line appeared, yep, test line appeared, ‘what the?!’! I thought I was seeing things! So I did an OPK (I have loads of those and remember someone on the forum saying she got her BFP from one), same happened there! Waited ’til hubby got home from work and did another OPK, then we went and got some from the shop, and did one of those! Two lines! Then I saved the other until this morning, just in case I dreamed it all yesterday, but yes, still two lines!


I went to the GP this morning and I have to go for a blood test in 2 weeks before our next FC appointment, she said if it confirms it then I probably won’t need to go, but I’m going to anyway so I’m still in the system, just in case… She also said not to get too excited as you can get false positives, but 3 in a row?! (Well 5 if you count the OPK’s lol)


Going by my LMP by EDD is 25th March and I am 4 weeks 6 days gone. Can’t wait for our scan though so we can find out more accurately, hate having stupid cycles!


P.S. If you are on my Facebook please don’t say anything until I do.

Clomid cycle 2 update, and other stuff (small TMI alert)

Realised I haven’t updated for a while, well since before I started clomid round 2, so here goes…


Well AF actually appeared ‘properly’ the day after my last blog post, so that helped! Roll on CD2 and I started on my 100mg, well I was pretty normal (well as normal as my periods can be) for that day, but the next two days were absolutely horrendous. AF was so heavy and I had stomach ache throughout, it was that bad I had to go and ‘change’ every couple of hours, just yuck. I haven’t had a period like that for years, forgot how bad my bad periods actually were. But, I suppose that means the higher dose was actually doing something as I never had it that bad last round, in fact it was much lighter than normal. Didn’t really have many other side effects, mainly constant headaches like last time around, and mood swings and a little emotional. 


Today is CD15, so I guess am on the TWW, although if it’s anything to go by my last cycle of 54 days, I don’t know… 


Anyway, that’s that, now for other stuff. Been finding the whole thing a bit difficult lately. Everyone either seems to be having babies or announcing pregnancies again, it’s just like they all come at once. The thing that really pushed me over the edge was yesterday. One of my close friends posted a status on Facebook referring to the whole TTC thing, and anyway we got to the point where I said seeing pics of scans and bumps etc. really upset me, and a mutual friend (who just happens to be pregnant) said along the lines of ‘well delete everyone who does that, it would be the easiest thing’. I said if I did that half my friends would be gone! So bearing in mind she knew how I felt right then, an hour later she had posted a pic of her expanding bump! That just really got to me, like she was rubbing it in. She probably wasn’t, but anyone who suffers IF will know that we can be incredibly sensitive and just wish people would think sometimes. 


Well right before that, another friend posted a photo of her newborn girl who is incredibly gorgeous. Surprisingly though this didn’t upset me too much as she is one of the nicest people I know and I couldn’t think of a better person for it to happen to, she has always been sensitive towards me and there when I needed a chat. I posted a status not long after these two events simply saying *sigh*, and unfortunately this friend thought it was about her when it really wasn’t, so if you are reading this then I hope you understand. 


Also something that one of my best friends said to me not long ago has been playing on my mind. We were discussing about people posting the pics and she said she doesn’t mind the scan pics but when I do get pregnant (I’m more thinking ‘if’) that I am not to post bump pics (which I am not going to do anyway, as I know just how heartbreaking it is. I will be posting on here for anyone that wants to see, then those who don’t, don’t have to look) because it is like the person saying ‘Look what I can do and you can’t’ – and in a way, playing over and over in my head, I suppose it is. And then another friend posted a photo of her expanding bump tonight. I usually ‘like’ these from this friend but I just had to navigate away from the page, I was immediately in tears. I just want it to be me.


I just think I need a break from the whole Facebook thing. It’s just all getting too much for me again and I’m in tears every day, and I just don’t want to be. 

FC update

So we had our follow up FC appointment on Tuesday (on CD52, with no BFP or AF, had done a test on Monday), thought it was going to be awful with me probably not losing enough weight to satisfy the consultant, but it couldn’t have gone much better!


We were sat waiting for nearly an hour beforehand though, as he didn’t even turn up until 25 mins after our appt. time and there was someone waiting before us! Anyway, she came out of the room crying which really scared me, I thought ‘Oh great!’


While we were waiting I got weighed, I knew I had lost weight but whether it was enough I didn’t know, as he didn’t tell me last time how much I needed to lose. Anyway, another few mins and we went in, he asked how we were, then said ‘You have lost weight’ (like I didn’t know that!) ‘Well done!’ not sure if my mouth dropped open in shock lol. Then he told me my bloods results, that I never OV’d last round of (50mg) clomid. Had a feeling anyway. I told him my CD and he asked if I was sure I wasn’t pg, I said no, but he wanted me to do a test anyway, so I did. BFN. And well I obviously knew that too. So basically he has upped my dosage to 100mg! I still have my other round of 50mg I got before but he said go straight to 100mg, and I have to have more bloods this cycle. And he kept saying well done when we leaving which made me happy after the last appointment when he kept telling me I need to lose some even though I had 😀


And regarding AF, have been having spotting the last few days, just want it to turn up properly now so I can get on with taking my clomid again!





FC tomorrow

Well we have our follow up FC appointment tomorrow, from the last one when we got clomid. That’s the one round done, maybe he thought both rounds would be gone before tomorrow but no! Still no sign of AF… Until this evening, there is a slight, slight bit of spotting. POAS again earlier and it was a BFN so hoping AF does arrive, what a coincidence that would be! 


Feeling slightly nervous that he may not even give us any more, as I don’t know if I have lost enough weight to be in his good books, as he didn”t actually tell me how much he wanted me to lose. He never weighed me at the last appt. though, I haven’t been weighed since our first one in October of last year. I have lost around a stone (14 lbs ish) since then though, so hopefully he will be happy. 

In other news, a couple more people I have discovered are pregnant (some with their 2nd in the time we’ve been trying). It’s just never ending, and I often sit wondering if it will ever be our turn. 

I Would Die For That

This is a song I came across on 999 reasons to laugh at infertility, then I discovered the video on another blog I am following, so I added it to mine too, as it just rings so true. Some may say it’s a ‘morbid’ song (yes, someone did actually say that to me) but it helps to listen to it, and to know that there are people going through it who feel the exact same way, though no-one should ever have to go through it. I know life would be no fun if everything were easy, but going through this is not easy, and certainly not fun.

Kellie Coffey – I Would Die For That

Jenny was my best friend.

Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret 
She just couldn’t keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.


And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
To young to know that one day
She might live to regret.


But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.


I’ve been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We’re told not to give up.
He wonders if it’s him.
And I wonder if it’s me.


All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won’t understand it
If it’s not meant to be.


Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.


And I want to know what it’s like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I’d give up!
I would die for that.


Sometimes it’s hard to conceive, 
With all that I’ve got,
And all I’ve achieved,
What I want most 
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
“I love you, Mom.”


I would die for that. 
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.


And I want to know what it’s like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die …
I would die for that.

Things

Haven’t posted for a couple of weeks so thought I’d post a general update.


Not much has changed with me really, still on the TWW which is turning into a 3WW, 4WW… I’m feeling pretty yucky today – feel sick, headache, dizzy, just generally meh, but I very much doubt it’s anything to do with a BFP now, after the last 3 or 4 tests I did, a couple of days apart with each. Too late to test today anyway, will have to wait until the morning now…


Been feeling slightly down again the last few days, after hubby told me that his work friend is going to be a Dad after him & his girlfriend had an ‘accident’ after only about 9 months! 🙁 They don’t live together, they stay at each others parents houses every week, he works, she’s at college! Fair enough I don’t work at the minute, but my husband does, we have our own place, all ready to just welcome a baby into the world, after over 2 long, hard years already! I even said to hubby maybe we should just give up and DTD whenever wherever and just try and have an accident, but well, we know it doesn’t work like that for us 🙁 I may have seemed okay on the outside recently, but inside, I am hurting SO bad! 


Our follow up FC appointment is in just under 2 weeks, I have lost hardly any weight since our last one (although I wasn’t weighed then, I was at our first one in October and have lost about a stone (14lbs) ish since then, so hopefully it will show) even though I have been working damn hard (okay, maybe a couple of slip ups), I’m scared the consultant is going to be very annoyed at me and not give us any more clomid, everything is just getting on top of me and I can’t take it 🙁


Oh well, life goes on…

Baby Gaga

Some of you may be familiar with this app on Fakebook. It basically rubs it in to all the infertiles how far along in their pregnancy their friends and family are, and when they’re going to have their babies. (You could say the friends/family are rubbing it in as they added the app., but no, I’m not going to blame them today, I’m just here for a self absorbed moan)


Well I just log on after my bath, and I see not one, not two, but three posts one after the other, all with due dates 3 weeks apart! One is a close friend, one is a cousin, and the other a friend from school. Oh I’m going to have a fun August/September if I’m not pregnant by then! :/ I think I may just have to avoid Fakebook altogether at that point…

TWW

Well, it seems I’ve been neglecting this recently! Haven’t posted since I was taking my clomid…


I haven’t much to report anyway, except to say ‘So this is what a TWW feels like?!’, after never having an ‘official’ one in the 28 months we’ve been TTC. I’ve been baking a lot, and this has been taking my mind off of it, although it still seems to be dragging! CD28 is on Saturday, so that’s the big day, seeing whether AF turns up on Sunday, if not I have to test, eek…


A few more people have announced BFP’s and had their babies, have mainly been happy and congratulatory, but obviously still been emotional at times.


One last thing, just after we came out of the hospital after my CD21 OV blood test, we saw the BFP numberplate! Not getting my hopes up though as I’ve seen it before…

CD6, clomid round 1, day 5

Yesterday was the final clomid of round 1, now I just have to await the next couple of weeks with impatience and see if it has worked… I think this is going to be worse than ever before, at least before I knew I wasn’t OV’ing anyway and no chance of me getting pg!


Have to BD from days 10-20, and go for bloods on days 21 & 28.


Fingers crossed…