Day 2 of clomid round 1 today. AF died off a bit last night and earlier today, but after I’d taken my tablet it’s come back with a slight vengeance again!
So after AF messing me about and not knowing whether it was the witch visiting or just spotting for days on end, I got a definite confirmation of her visit yesterday! Took me by surprise as usual!
Mainly mood swings tonight, no other side effects really.
Right now I am awaiting my first ‘proper’ CD1 of AF, so that I can begin taking my 1st round of clomid on CD2. Recently I have had sore (.)(.), so I guessed that was a sign AF was on its way. Although a lot earlier than it should be according to fertility friend, but hey, I’m not complaining! One of the few times I’ve ever actually wished for the witch to hurry up and grace me with her presence!
Well yesterday when I woke up and ventured to the loo, I thought she had arrived. Well, it seemed like AF at first, but throughout the day there was hardly anything else, so just spotting I guess. (Although I do usually get a couple of days spotting before proper AF) So I’m doing the checking thing again today, although so far it’s just turning out like yesterday! Believe me, I will definitely know when it’s the first proper day as it’s horrendous!
Although I’m not looking forward to the mood swings and other symptoms I’ve heard about, I just want to take that first tablet! Fingers crossed it’s soon!
I came across this on another blog I am following. I don’t know if it is actually Infertility Month or not, but I think the message is clear enough anyway.
Today I have been feeling a mixture of emotions. I woke up happy, cheery, not a care in the world. And then the next minute I wanted to cry. This has been on & off all day, just when I read or come across something upsetting to me. Especially when I read one of my LTTTC virtual friends blogs.
It was another long wait… 1.5 hours… but it was actually worth it this time!
We actually saw the consultant this time! As soon as I walked in the room and saw him I was nervous! He’s scary… He asked what we’d been told about our tests (ultrasound, HSG, bloods, SA’s), and asked about my cycles, symptoms etc. So I told him, and then he basically relayed it back to us and told me I don’t OV, which I know already… And then he said he would like to put me on medication (clomid) but I need to lose weight first… Argh, I nearly burst out crying cos I thought he wasn’t going to give us any! I told him I’ve already lost 45 lbs, and he kept saying I need to lose weight, I said ‘Yes’, he said ‘Yes isn’t good enough’ – my GP and my friend were right, he is scary (and strict)! Even hubby was intimidated! Although he said he is strict but he gets results! So I’ll just put up with it!
Anyway, he said he will put his trust in me and give me clomid and we have to go back in two months (if it hasn’t worked by then), but if I haven’t lost any… Well, then I’m sure he’ll shout at me!
So I have two rounds of 50mg (he will give us up to 9 months worth). I have to wait until AF arrives and then take it on days 2-6, BD from day 10 onwards, but tbh I think we’ll be at it like rabbits, have waited long enough already!… He said if AF doesn’t arrive around/after CD28 then to take a test…
So now I’m nervous, but excited at the same time as we are actually getting somewhere after 2 and a bit years!
So we went for our next appointment on Tuesday, to find out the results of my HSG and basically see what step to take next.
Well what a waste of time that was! We were in there all of 3 minutes, after a 45 minute wait anyway as they were running late. And yet again it was a different doctor we saw – 3 visits so far, 3 different doctors. Just wondering if we’ll ever actually meet the man himself! Anyway, the doctor told us that my HSG was fine, tubes are clear – that’s a good thing to come out of the visit I suppose, no more worrying about that. But the consultant (Mr Odukoya) wasn’t actually there today, so she couldn’t tell us what was going to happen next. WHAT?! You have to be kidding me, right? After the palava we’ve had getting this far! (Not that she was to know, but that’s what I was thinking) I don’t understand why they can’t just write in the notes what to do next, so the person seeing you knows? I thought that’s what they did, obviously thought wrong…
Not to worry though, only got to wait another week! Sigh. Luckily she rang through and managed to make us an appointment for next Tuesday instead (after asking if that was OK, to which I replied along the lines of “Well it will have to be, wont’t it?!”). Hopefully 4th time lucky, hey?!
I know, not the usual thing that is good to hear, but after being obese for a few years it IS a good thing!
Today I finally hit the overweight BMI category! Right on the line! Just where I need to be for treatment with the FC, right before our appointment on Tuesday! Now just need to keep it there! Well, preferably get further below, and not go above again!
I am SO SO happy, it’s took a while to get here! Especially since my plateau started back in January, when I was so close to being here already (0.2 lbs off), I’ve been stuck between here and the 4/5 lbs I gained after starting up my exercise again. But now I’ve started running training it’s dropping off!
Short but sweet today but just had to share! And is this my first ever happy post?! It’s just such a big deal for me!
P.S. Here are my new legs!
Recently there are SO many people announcing their pregnancies – in my opinion I think people need to find something else to do around Christmas time, funny how they’re all due in September! ;P – a few of these though, have thought it ‘best’ to tell me before announcing it ‘publicly’ (i.e. on facebook).
I suppose it’s so that it’s not so much of a shock and disappointment to me when they do it, and I am so grateful that my friends care about me enough to do this, but at the same time I don’t want them to feel like it’s their duty to do it, when I should be happy for them anyway (which I am) and not be so disappointed.
I think I’ve improved lately in controlling my feelings with announcements and such, although I’m still having my up & down days.
I just want to be able to tell MY friends that I’M pregnant, that’s all I want.
This is a message to my friends. To the ones that have been there for me since the beginning of this long, long journey. Those who I have met along the way.
Thank you for being there for me. Through the ups & the downs, listening to my moaning, my feeling sorry for myself, everything. And understanding.
To those struggling, it’s been good to know I’m not alone, and although it’s horrible what we are going through, I’m glad I have people who understand and can empathise. Like BT says, it’s good to talk. To someone who knows exactly how I am feeling, and doesn’t think I am horrible or strange when I come out with things that anyone else would think was irrational! Infertility does strange things to your mind and thought processes, hey?! To you all, I just know we will get there eventually, however long the road, we have to, for each other. Keep pushing. Keep strong. It’s all we can do.
To those who have gotten their BFP’s, and had babies, along the way. I hope you know that I am truly happy for you, it’s just hard sometimes. Thanks to those who have understood when I haven’t spoken to you much about your pregnancies, your babies, or looked at your pictures. It’s been incredibly hard for me, but I’m getting there, I’m managing to push my sadness aside and be happy for you, have started talking about these things and looking. And to those (very, very few, I can probably only think of one, that’s that I know of anyway) who haven’t always been so understanding, well, it’s a shame, that’s all I can say.
To those who have finished having children, or have no interest in having children, thanks for taking the time out to talk to me about it, even though you probably think I am silly and self absorbed about it at times!
It’s lovely to know that so many people care about me.
Here a couple of pics to show the support I have had lately when I was feeling the lowest of the low:
My lovely message from Rebekah and others who agreed, which had me in tears (happy ones).
My gorgeous flowers from Bekah, which also had me in tears! (Also happy ones).