The (not so) amazing shrinking Stacey

I have been on my weight loss journey for just over a year now. TTC was the reason why I decided I needed to lose weight. The other reason was because I wanted to. I needed to lose it because I knew if we ended up needing fertility treatment at any point in the future, I would need to be in a healthy BMI, or overweight at the very most. A BMI of 30. Well, I am nearly there. 


I’ve lost around 42 lbs so far, since I started my  journey at the end of January last year. I’ve had my ups & downs, sometimes I’ve felt like throwing the towel in, but then I think how much fitter I am now, and how much better I feel about myself, and not having to bury my figure under baggy clothes – I do not want to be back there again. Anyway, I’ve got rid of most of my fat clothes now, so can’t go back! (Bar my one pair of ‘fat’ jeans, which I’m using as an indicator to how much I have lost.) I can wear dresses, I have a waist. I haven’t been like that for years. Even in my wedding photos I look horrible, I look pregnant! If only! I tried to lose weight before then but obviously I wasn’t set on it enough. If I had known what I would have looked like though, I’m sure I would have kept at it!


There is one thing that really annoys me though. When people tend to moan because they have only lost 1lb! For goodness sake, this is what 1lb looks like:



Gross, I know! But look how much it is! Shocking at how many extra of these I’ve been carrying around!

I’ve discovered my inner green eyed monster during this journey too. Sometimes I’ve found it so, so difficult to drop the weight, and it’s really frustrating when I have been working my butt off (literally!), eating right, and I see nothing, yet there are people who eat like crap, lack on the exercise, and drop the lbs like nobody’s business! Well, since I’ve discovered I (most likely) have PCOS, it throws some explanation as to why I haven’t managed as easily as some others. As I have friends with the same who struggle too, and it really is frustrating when it feels like everyone around you is doing so much better, so much easier. If it turns out I actually don’t, well, then, I’ve obviously not been working as hard at it as I think I have, I guess.


I am pleased for all of my friends who have lost a huge amount of weight, but to think I’ve done this all on my own, no slimming clubs or particular food plan, those are the friends who are bringing out my green eyed monster lately! I try to hold it back, but I just can’t! Mainly because they have lost just about the same amount of weight as me, in half the amount of time I have been doing it, I think maybe I would be better off with one of those?! But then it’s not something I (personally) would be able to stick out for the rest of my life. The ‘Stacey’ plan is something I can stick with, and have managed pretty well (I think) over the last year.


(To all of you who fit into the above criteria, seriously well done! I know you’ve worked hard too. Please don’t take it personally – just releasing my frustration with myself)


I hope to reach my goal this year, I am just over half way there now (see my ticker at the bottom). I’m sure there may be a few more weight loss frustration posts from me over the next few months! Watch this space!

PCOS

I should have written this last week but only got around to it today.


So last week, after the mess about with the HSG, we went for our appointment at the FC anyway. I knew they wouldn’t be able to tell us much without having the HSG, but they could tell me something. My pelvic scan came back fine, no abnormalities. But bloods were abnormal. No OV. Which I knew anyway, so wasn’t really a shock to me. But then she said it is most likely that I have PCOS, with the results of my bloods and my medical history, but obviously they need my HSG for the full picture and to diagnose it for certain. This wasn’t too much of a shock either as I had also suspected it.


So now I am just waiting for AF to arrive (which should be any day now, I think) before I can book my HSG, and I am going to get one this time, because our next appointment is in March and I will probably only have only 1 AF between now and then! And I seriously cannot wait yet another month after that, it will be nearly 6 months as it is since I’ve been trying to get one!


Edit: I have one for next week! 

The next step

Today I took the next step in ‘getting over’ my people getting pregnant and having babies saga. I looked through somebody’s newborn album on fakebook. 


It may not seem like much to the normal observer, but to me that is a HUGE step. I never really do that, for fear of jealousy and floods of tears. I got all the way through the album. Yes, I could feel the tears bubbling to the surface, and of course I was still jealous, as it is what I have wanted for the last two years, to hold a baby in my arms. But I actually did it. The first step of many, I think I just need to keep it up now and try overcome in my own slow way. 


I also went to somebody personally and congratulated them on their pregnancy announcement (following on from my post from a couple of days ago). Only a few months late, but better late than never, hey?

Congratulations, she said

For a few months now on fakebook, I’ve been avoiding saying congratulations to people and commenting on/liking their bump/baby photos. Mainly because I’m insanely jealous of them and just couldn’t bring myself to do it as I wish it was me. But I’ve now realised how harsh this has been of me, and one of my resolutions is to rectify this. It’s not their fault I’m broken and can’t make a baby (at the minute), but it’s like I’m taking it out on them (well, not like, it is taking it out on them). 


But they deserve to be happy, and me be happy for them, as it’s messing with my head. I can’t go through the next few months like this, it’s always going to be staring me in the face and I just can’t avoid it. I would expect the same for me, so it’s only right. 


So today I took that first step and said it to somebody, and I’m feeling quite proud of myself, as it has been an underlying problem with me for the last few months that has been so hard to deal with, but I need to deal with it, for my own sanity and that of my husband. 

So, to all you mums-to-be who I haven’t said congratulations to (or the like), congratulations. (Although most of you won’t be reading this, I should probably go and say it to you personally…)

Acronyms

For some readers who may not know what I mean when I use acronyms like ‘BFP’, ‘OPK’, etc, I will post the most commonly used ones – If there are any I have missed leave them in the comments section 🙂 

AF – Aunt Flo (menstrual period – a.k.a. ‘the witch’)
ANOV – Anovulatory (no ovulation)
BBT – Basal Body Temperature
BD – Baby Dance (making love)

BFP – Big Fat Positive (positive pregnancy test)
BFN – Big Fat Negative (negative pregnancy test)
CD – Cycle Day
CM – Cervical Mucus (one of my friends doesn’t like talking about this, which I think is rather funny!)
DPO – Days Post-Ovulation 
DTD – Do The Deed (making love)
EWCM – Egg White Cervical Mucus 
FC – Fertility Clinic
HPT – Home Pregnancy Test
HSG – Hysterosalpingogram (a medical procedure where they inject dye into your tubes, to check for blockages)
ICSI – Intra-Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection (a medical procedure to help you become pregnant)
IF – Infertility
IUI – Intrauterine Insemination (a medical procedure to help you become pregnant)
IVF – In Vitro Fertilisation (a medical procedure to help you become pregnant)
LH – Luteinizing Hormone (the hormone that stimulates OV)
LMP – Last Menstrual Period (the first day of)
LP – Luteal Phase (the number of days between ovulation and the start of AF)
LTTTC – Long Term Trying To Conceive
MC – Miscarriage
OPK – Ovulation Prediction Kit (self explanatory)
OV – Ovulation
PCOS – Polycystic Ovary Syndrome
PCO – Polycystic Ovaries
PG – Pregnant (the one I really want to write for myself!) 
POAS – Pee On A Stick (self explanatory)
PUPO – Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise
SA – Semen Analysis
TTC – Trying To Conceive