Breakdown

Yesterday I had another breakdown.
I really didn’t see this one coming, it just came from nowhere.
Hubby was at work, the boys were playing, and I was sat nearby.
I had been feeling on edge all morning but that’s nothing unusual for nowadays so I didn’t think too much of it, really.
Over the space of a few minutes I just completely lost it. I cried. Floods and floods of tears.
Pacing up & down.
Trying so hard to stop myself…
I wanted to go back to this same place.
I was scared.
I couldn’t stop what was happening. 
But I was scared. For me. For my boys. For seeing Mummy like that. They should never have to see Mummy like that.
I sent hubby about 30 messages, and rang him, just begging for him to come home and save me.
It just felt like somebody else had completely taken over me.
That’s not normal, is it?
I’m not normal.
I’m in this big black hole, and I really really despise it.
I just want to climb out.
If only it was that simple.
I hate depression.
Eating away.
Destroying.
You can’t beat me though.
I will win.
One day.
Whenever that may be.

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